Pretty Broken Butterfly Novel – We both watch as my boyfriend,Keaton, rams his manhood into someone who isn’t me. “Charlie,” he chokes out, his horror-filled eyes growing wet. Holding up a hand, I roll my eyes. “Save me the tears, jerk. Don’t pretend you feel bad about cheating on me now.” “He’s all yours. I don’t want him anymore.” I toss a grenade to further damage their little world. “You might want to get an STD test done, Keaton. Two weeks ago, she had a train run on her by six other dudes and a few of them went unprotected.” His eyes fill with horror and her face flushes crimson. Ah, the consequences of your actions.
One Year Ago There’s always that one part in a movie or a book that grabs a hold of your guts and doesn’t let go. It’s the first hint that your emotions are about to be damaged from a betrayal you never saw coming. You’re unable to pull your eyes away because you just have to ride full speed ahead to the wreck you know is about to happen. That’s the best part about those stories the impact from the collision and the feelings you’re left with when everything comes to a standstill. They all rush you at warp speed, battering against your heart for a way in. When you’re a seeker of angst—an emotional masochist as my best friend Amelia likes to call me you permit them entrance so that they’ll make you feel alive. It’s different when it’s your story.
I live my life to the fullest without regret or an apology. You’re only given one of them, so I vowed the day we lost my sister that I’d cram as much into the years I had on this Earth as I could. My heart always stays open to any experience that is thrown my way, and I embrace them wholeheartedly. Normally. Normally, I would embrace them without reservation. “Girl, are you finally ready to go to this party and relax?” Amelia asks, bouncing up and down on her feet. “You’ve been busting you between school and work.” Pieces of my curly lavender hair flutter around my face when I blow out a breath. “Yeah. Keaton is excited for us to spend time together tonight. The last few weeks we’ve been busy with final exams that it feels like we haven’t seen each other in forever.”
Amelia’s gray eyes widen. “It’s that bad? You two live together, though.” “We do, but the only thing we have time for when we get off work is shower, intercourse, and sleep.” After touching up my mascara, I toss it on the vanity and turn to her. “I know it’ll get better after graduation. We’ll finally be finished with college, so we’ll have a lot more free time.” There must have been a bug going around campus. That’s got to be what this churning in my stomach is. I’ve been fighting it for the last few hours, to no avail. “Charlie, are you okay?” Not wanting to miss out on the chance to spend time with Keaton and our friends, I paste a smile on my face. “I’m good. How do I look?” Amelia’s lips curl into a devious smirk. “Oh, I can’t wait to see Keaton’s reaction when he gets a good look at you. That boy will throw you over his shoulder and cart you off to the first available empty room.”
I giggle as her words create a short film in my head. Keaton and I definitely have no problem in that department. The chemistry between us has always been combustible. We were sixteen when we finally took each other’s innocence. We had fooled around a lot before then, but we just never let it get that far. I met Keaton after we moved next door to him. My fifth birthday was a few days later, and I was excited that I had someone I could invite. My sister was only two, so she wasn’t as fun to play with. I finally had someone my age, and it didn’t even matter to me that he was a gross boy. It took us a while to warm up to each other, but after he came to my party, we became best friends. He had turned five a week before I did and it was the coolest thing ever because we celebrated every birthday after that with a dual party. We became best friends, fell in love, became a couple when we were fourteen, and became lovers at sixteen. Here we are, both twenty-one and about to graduate from college.
Then we’re going to get a house, start our careers, get married, and eventually, we’ll start a family. It’s been one of our biggest dreams since we got fake married at eight years old. Not much longer to go before we get started on them. “Let’s hope so. That boy’s sexting powers are ridiculous. He had me all hot and bothered while I was serving customers and nearly had to go to the bathroom to take care of myself.” Snatching the keys to our apartment off the hook and double-checking that I’ve got my phone, I lock up and meet Amelia at the bottom of the stairs. “Ohhh. You naughty little butterfly,” she teases, walking backward so she can see me.
“How in the heck do two people who’ve only ever slept with each other get to be so filthy?” “Porn, my friend. Lots and lots of porn,” I quip with a wink. My words make her stumble, and she almost falls on her, which has me clutching my stomach as my laughter rings out around us. She dusts her hands together and shakes her head at me with mock sorrow. “Your poor innocence has been stolen.” “Well, yeah. Look at who my best friend is.” “Why I never.” We settle into a quiet conversation about classes and she spills the tea on all the juicy gossip she heard today. I’m glad I wore my sandals instead of the freaking three-inch heels Amelia was trying to get me to wear with this dress. I’d be eating concrete before we even make it to David’s party. As soon as the loud music and the raucous laughter from a bunch of drunk college kids find my ears, I send off a text to Keaton to let him know I’m here. By the time we make it up the porch, he still hasn’t replied, and that bug is making my stomach roll again.
There’s a reason for warning signs. A yellow stoplight warns you to slow down because traffic is about to stop, the flammable symbols that warn you of chemicals and gases that may catch fire when exposed to air or another ignition source, or the skull and crossbones that warn you of chemicals that can cause damage to your health or a fatality at even a low exposure. The yellow and red flags at the ocean give you swimming warnings and the sneaky way your significant other hides their phone sends out a red warning flag of suspicious behavior. They’re all around you every day, urging you to pay attention to them so that you can prevent being harmed. My body, or maybe it’s my soul, has been sending me warning signs all day, but I’ve denied their validity.
It’s a mistake I’ll be sure to never make again. – One Year Ago I should have noticed the red flags in the malicious smirks of the mean bitches’ clique when I started looking around for Keaton. When I asked if they’d seen him, their gleeful answers that he’s somewhere with Rianna were another warning I should have heeded. But why would I? They’ve spent our entire four years of college trying to be cool by being the biggest bitches they could be. I chalked this up to just another of those times. “Come on, Char. Let’s go find him,” Amelia yells, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from them. She’s been my best friend long enough to spot the signs of my impending rage. Even nice people have a breaking point and I’m about at it with these girls.
We fight our way through the gyrating bodies and the many drunken staggers. The floor vibrates from the bass of the music, tempting me to join in and let loose, but Amelia drags me behind her before I get the chance to give in. They have replaced normal lightbulbs throughout the house with black lights that turn everything into a trippy neon glow. As we pass the game room, the sweet skunk smell of marijuana teases my nostrils. Another temptation I don’t get the chance to indulge in. What? “Hey.” I yank my hand, pulling us to a stop. “You said I’m supposed to be letting loose and having fun. Why do you keep pulling me away from all?” “So we can find your boy.” I roll my eyes. “You heard them. He’s with Rianna. Like always. He knows I’m here because I sent him a text as soon as we walked up. Keaton will find me when his friend takes her claws out of him.” Even I can hear the bitterness in my voice. Rianna has been an issue between us since they become friends our sophomore year here.
I didn’t have any problem with it at first. Those didn’t start until about six months into their friendship, when I realized she had feelings for Keaton. I brought it up to him, but he brushed it off, telling me he’s sure I was imagining it. That pissed me off, and I wasn’t afraid to let him know it. He apologized and since I could tell he was actually sorry for what he said; I let it be. It wasn’t long after that the bimbo started her biting remarks that she played off as jokes. Saying I’m insecure, that I’m jealous of the friendship they shared because I just couldn’t see a male and female being platonic friends. The one that really got me angry is when she would ‘joke’ about her being in love with him, which let me know Keaton told her what I said. Things became tense between me and him for a few weeks after that. I knew it was killing him as much as it was me, but he’s the one that put us in that position to begin with. Then one morning, he rolled over in bed and held me to him while apologizing and promised to fix it.
To give him credit, he did. Or at least he tried. He wouldn’t hang out with Rianna as much, and their conversations became less frequent. We were good again. We were the Charlie and Keaton that we used to be and our relationship only got stronger. A few months later, she showed up at our apartment, crying her eyes out. Saying she was sorry, that she never meant to make me feel like she was replacing me. She promised she didn’t have feelings for him, which I knew was a lie, but since I was curious about where she was going with this, I let her continue. Rianna said it would be ridiculous to even think Keaton could replace me because he loved me too much. I was all he talked about when they were together, apparently. Against my better judgment, after talking with Keaton, they started hanging out more again. He’s never really given me a reason not to trust him and he’s never given me any red flags that he feels anything more for her than friendship. Unless he’s just really freaking good at hiding them.
She’s never shown her badness toward me around him and when she does, when he’s not around, I don’t give her the satisfaction of even mentioning it to him and driving a wedge between us. Because that’s what she wants. He’s never taken her side on anything again and he continues to put me first, so I honestly don’t have an issue with him. I’d rather him find a different best friend, but it’s not my place to control him and what he does. Amelia’s lips pull back from her teeth into a snarl. “Let’s go take him away from her because we both know once he sees you, he’s going to forget all about her for the rest of the night.” With a sigh, I take off ahead of her, knowing she won’t give up until she gets her way. After having no luck finding him upstairs or down here, we head outside. Bodies are crammed into the pool, some of them undressed, some semi-undressed, but most of them clothed. The musty scent of beverage is strong in the air from all the cups and bottles that surround us.
“Yo, Char. Looking good, babe. You two go grab some swimsuits from the pool house and join us.” There’s something in David’s eyes that unsettles me, but when Amelia squeals beside me, I know there’s no sense in saying no, so I give him a tight smile and a nod. David Baladucci is the big guy on campus. He’s got so much money that he could wipe his hip with it every day and still not go broke. People flock to him because they want what he’s got, and he soaks it up greedily. The teachers pass him because they know if they don’t, his parents will have them out of a job faster than they can blink, and Dean Wilcox lets him get away with whatever he wants for the same reason. He’s also a cocky jerk and I can’t stand him. The boy swears he can have any girl he wants just by being who he is and smiling that wicked smile at them. The sad fact is that he’s right. There’s only a handful of girls on campus that he’s probably not been with. Me and Amelia included. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t try with me or her. That I’ve been in a relationship with Keaton for the last eight years matters nothing to him.
By most standards, he’s not a bad guy. He’s not some evil person, he’s just…a jerk, and his entire attitude rubs me the wrong way, which is why we’re constantly giving each other. “Come on, Amelia. Keaton will find me. He always does. Let’s get changed, join the rest of them, and party.” A tingle starts in my chest as we head over to the pool house. Glancing around, I scrunch my nose at the couples that are having intercourse in whatever place they can find. It’s always like this at David’s parties. I don’t think I’ve been to one of his that wasn’t wild as inferno. Streaks of fiery pain shoot through my jaw from the way my teeth gnaw on the inside of my cheek. But there’s something running through me. Something I’m unable to identify. Where is Keaton? My fingers rap against my leg in time with the bass from the music. “Dude, someone that has never been here before would swear they’ve walked straight into a porno,” I exclaim when I pull open the door and catch the loud moans from inside. Amelia laughs, following me through the door, but she bumps into me when my body stiffens and I stop moving.
The sluggish beats of my heart in my weighted chest make it difficult to breathe. That moan. My head twists back and forth on my shoulders as my chest caves in. Heat builds in my face as I try to fend off the tears that are threatening to fall. He wouldn’t. There’s no way he would. Flinching when Amelia’s hand falls to my shoulder, I suck in a sharp breath, struggling to get it through my tight throat. “Char, what’s going on?” she whispers like she already knows but doesn’t want to admit. The moan comes again and my body jerks. Shaking my head, my eyes glued to the room beyond us I’ve yet to see into, I take a step back as my feet urge me to run. Amelia’s fingers tighten on my shoulder, and she leans down to my ear. “Not yet. Don’t you dare break yet. Remember who you are, Char. You’ve stood up to people who have tried to hurt you all your life. This isn’t any different. Straighten your spine, confront them, and then…then I’ll get you out of here and hold you while you break.”
My eyes fall closed during her speech as my body shuts down. Blessed numbness settles deep into my core until there’s nothing left inside me. I’m a walking void and he’s the reason. They’re the reason. Because there is only one person who would be in there with him. Straightening my posture, I nod so that she knows I heard her. The feminine moans batter against the iced wall I’ve built around me, but they don’t even crack it. Rianna’s maliciously triumphant eyes clash with mine as soon as I clear the open doorway. Her legs are wrapped around his waist as he anchors her against the wall. Keaton thrusts into her brutally, his face buried in her neck, his hands holding onto her hip. She smirks, running her fingers through his hair, and lets out an exaggerated moan.
“Yeah, baby. Just like that. You like me, don’t you, baby?” “Shut up,” he mutters, his hips never easing up. Well, there’s no way in inferno that I’d be able to mistake who is banging her now. One day when I’m not so broken and I can let feelings in, I’ll be able to look back on this moment and be proud of the way I stayed as calm as I do. Her eyes narrow at the casual way I lean against the wall and smirk back. Amelia takes up a place on the other side and we both watch as my boyfriend rams his manhood into someone who isn’t me. I’ve been intimate with this jerk since we were sixteen, so I can read his body language and know when he’s about to find his release. Oh, no, honey. That ain’t going to happen. “Tell me, can anyone join this party, or is it two people only?” I drawl.