Tell It to My Heart Novel – Ten years ago, I saw a photo of my boyfriend cheating on me. Jared had his arms around two stunning brunettes, one girl on either side of him. Ten years later, I lift my eyes and stare at my ex, his arms holding his pregnant fiancée. “Do you know this girl?” “Our parents were friends when we were kids,” Jared explains, leaving out the most important part of our history. “I haven’t seen Sydney in over ten years.” I looked at him calmly, with nothing inside me. A muscle clenches in Jared’s jaw as he swings his gaze back to mine. His hand tightens around his fiancée as he levels a glare in my direction. I hate him. I truly do. But hate and love toe a very fine line, and the love I had for him has never gone away. I watch Jared lovingly cradle his pregnant fiancée against his chest and escort her out the door with a stabbing pain in my heart. Once I also had one.
Another week passes without any word, and I’m plotting ways I can buy a plane ticket, steal my passport from Dad’s safe, and fly to London to check up on my boyfriend. This is not like Jared. He doesn’t make promises and not keep them. Something is wrong. I feel it in my bones. “Wow, Sydney, you look amazing,” Anvil says, his gaze raking over my much thinner frame with obvious interest. Leaning against his locker, he smirks as he blatantly checks me out. He’s such a creep. Cayenne scowls at him, and I hate we have to involve her ex. Jared moving gave her the push she needed to end things with the cheating wanker. She only approached him today because he’s our last hope. Jared didn’t reply to Cay either, and I’m desperate enough to reach out to Anvil in the hope he has heard from him.
“Have you heard from Jared recently?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest and ignoring his attempts to sleep with his ex’s head by flirting with me. “Yep.” A smirk ghosts over his lips as all the blood leaches from my face. Nerves fire at me from all angles. “When?” “He sent me a text over the weekend.” His grin expands as my heart plummets to my toes. If he’s texting with Anvil, it means he’s purposely avoiding me. I don’t understand it. Why would he do that? “Here, I’ll show you,” Anvil adds, whipping out his cell phone. Cay loops her arm through mine, confirming she fears the worst too. “It seems he’s having a blast in London. All the ladies love his American accent,” he says, shoving his cell in my face. Pain eviscerates me on all sides as I stare at the picture through stinging eyes.
It was obviously taken at a party or a bar because the lighting is low and there is a crowd in the background who appears to be dancing. But it’s the foreground image that is laying siege to my heart and making it difficult to breathe. Jared has his arms around two stunning brunettes, one girl on either side of him. His grin is wide, his face bleeding happiness, as if he hasn’t a care in the world. The girls are smiling at the camera like it’s Christmas morning and they’ve just unwrapped a surprise gift. Bile swims up my throat, and an anguished cry escapes my lips as I shuck out of Cay’s embrace and flee to the bathroom. I barely make it to the stall in time, bending over the toilet and throwing up. Tears roam freely down my face as I expel the meager contents of my stomach. Pain stabs me repeatedly in the heart, and the crushing pain in my chest is so severe it feels like I’m having a coronary.
“Here.” Cay hands me a wad of tissues when I finish vomiting, leaning over me with concern etched on her pretty face. I hadn’t even heard her come in. Slumping on the floor, I lean against the wall and sob. My bestie joins me, stretching her legs out as she folds one arm around me. “It might not be as bad as it looks.” I bark out a bitter laugh. “I think it’s exactly how it looks.” “Jared isn’t the cheating type, and he’s devoted to you. I bet there’s an explanation.” She pauses for a few beats. “But if there isn’t, if that’s legit what it looked like, I’m plotting a gruesome death for him and finding you some prime eye candy to hook up with and rub his nose in it.” “He’s changed his mind.” Defeat underscores my tone as I rub my eyes. I’m pathetic.
Crying over a guy who has tossed me aside so easily. “He lied to me. I bet he never had any intention of coming back for me. He said what he knew I needed to hear and enough to let me know he arrived safe, and now he’s cut all ties.” “It doesn’t make sense.” I clamber to my feet. “It makes perfect sense now. He’s deliberately not talking to me. He must have blocked my cell and my emails. He’s moving on with his life, and he doesn’t care what it’s doing to me.” Cayenne stands. “You don’t really believe that.” “If you’d asked me yesterday, I would have loyally defended him, but that photo paints a very different picture.” My lower lip wobbles, and I’m fighting tears again. “I never would have thought him capable of such betrayal, such cruelty, but there is no other explanation.”
My hands ball into fists at my side. “I’m such a fool. It’s obvious all his loving words were lies. He was probably cheating on me when he was here. He is best friends with Anvil after all.” Hurt splays across Cay’s face, and I feel like a wanker. “Sorry,” I whisper, taking her hand. “That was low. I didn’t mean it.” “I know you didn’t, and it’s not like you’re lying. Anvil was cheating on me, and I enabled it by constantly forgiving him. I just can’t believe Jared would be so deceitful. It doesn’t seem to be in his nature.” “We didn’t know him, Cay. We only knew the side he showed us.” Slowly, she shakes her head. “I’m not buying it. You do know him.
You’ve known him your entire life. He wouldn’t do this to you.” “I want to believe that. I want to believe everything we shared and everything I know about him to be true, but how do I dispute that photo? You saw it. He looks happy. He’s not moping around miserable like I am. I always suspected my feelings were greater than his. He was going off with other girls for years before we got together when I couldn’t even look at another guy because they weren’t him.” “He told you he was terrified of ruining your friendship and he didn’t think you returned his feelings, especially when you didn’t seem bothered when he k-ssed someone else. Do you think he made all that up?” “I don’t know,” I say, exiting the stall. Classes have already commenced, so the bathroom is empty, thankfully. We’ll be reprimanded for skipping class, but I couldn’t care less.
The last thing I need is this getting out at school. I’ll be the biggest laughingstock. I wouldn’t put it past Anvil to share that photo because he’s a prick. Most girls in our grade dislike me because I snared Jared. This will only give them ammunition to gloat, and my life will become even more unbearable. “I don’t know what to think anymore,” I say over a sigh. “The Jared I thought I knew would never have abandoned me like this. To think I was worried his parents had done something to him.” I scoff as I wash and dry my hands and then rinse my mouth out with water. “I’m the biggest idiot. I can’t believe I gave him my V-card. Maybe that’s what it was all about. He just wanted intercourse, and after he got it, he moved on.”
“You need to talk to him. He’s the only one who can confirm the truth.” “How?” I throw my hands in the air as I turn to face my friend. “How can I speak to him when he doesn’t answer my calls, texts, social media messages, or emails? And I won’t be sending any more. Not now I know he’s out partying and hooking up with other girls. Only a moron would continue chasing a guy who clearly wants nothing more to do with her.” I rub a hand across the tightness in my chest, smothering another wave of tears. “How do I come back from this, Cay? He’s the one, and I’ve lost him. My heart is broken, and I don’t know how to go on without him. He’s been a huge part of my life for so long, and now there’s this big dark void, and I fear it’s sucking me in and going to suffocate me.”
Despite my resolve, wracking tears burst from my mouth as I fall apart in my best friend’s arms. “It hurts so much.” I push the words past the messy ball of emotion clogging my throat. “It feels like I’m dying.” “I’m so sorry, babe.” Cay hugs me close. “This is the worst part, but it will get better.” — We sneak out of school through the rear entrance as it’s the only way to ditch Dirk. I plan to return to school before the last bell so my bodyguard never knows I skipped class. I can only pray the school doesn’t call my dad. After we buy a few different tests, we head to Cay’s house. Her mother works, her younger siblings are at school, and her older sister, Juniper, goes out with her baby daughter, Callie, every afternoon, so we have the house to ourselves. I pee on the sticks, wash my hands, and return to Cay’s bedroom to wait for the results to show. “What are you going to do if it’s positive?”
We both know these tests are just a formality. Since Cay mentioned it, I’ve been connecting all the dots in my head. I’m pregnant. I feel it in my bones. I’m such an idiot for not considering it before now. I’ve been so heartsick I never stopped to think there could be another reason why I was hormonal and so sick and tired all the time. Even though I’ve lost weight, my stomach isn’t as flat as it used to be. I have a little belly. That should have been my light bulb moment, but it wasn’t. I feel so gullible. Naïve and stupid. And so afraid. “My dad is going to kill me, especially when he finds out the father is Jared.” “We need to find a way to contact him.” “We’ve been over this already, Cay. He’s not communicating with me or you.” “We could ask Anvil to—” “No.” I cut across her instantly.
“We are not telling that weasel a thing. He didn’t hesitate to share that picture with everyone at school. He can’t be trusted.” “I’m not suggesting we tell him the truth. Just ask him to message Jared to contact you. That it’s important.” I shake my head. “That would be like waving a red flag under the nose of a bull. Anvil will sniff a story and try to uncover the truth. No one at school can find out.” Cay sucks in a sharp breath as her arms fold around me. “Look at the tests,” she whispers. Even though I already know what they’re going to say, it still requires huge amounts of inner strength to look over at her bedside table where the three tests are situated. I clutch her arms tight as all three confirm my pregnancy. I can’t speak over the emotion wedged in my throat and pressing down on my chest. Initial numbed shock gives way to potent emotion. Sobs wrack my slight frame as I fall apart in my best friend’s arms. This can’t be happening. I’m only sixteen. I can barely look after myself.
How am I expected to look after a baby? “I want my mom,” I cry through blurry tears. “I want my mom.” She would know what to do. Mom would take control and help me make sense of this. Why did she have to die? Why hasn’t she been here for me? I was so little when she died that I barely remember her. But it doesn’t stop me missing her. Key milestones are always the hardest. Growing up in a house full of men was no picnic, and it was largely just Dad and me. Dad struggles to show his emotions, but he did his best. Until recently, I never doubted his love or the efforts he took to protect me. Since that went down with the Kings, Herman Shaw is different. It’s like a stranger is wearing his skin. He’s colder, less affectionate, and he is quick to lose his temper.
For the first time in my life, I am afraid of my father. Afraid to tell him his little girl got knocked up by the son of his new enemy. A chill creeps up my spine, and a full-body shudder works its way through me. “This is bad, Cay. So freaking bad. I can’t tell my father.” I shuck out of her embrace and turn around to face her on the bed with my legs crossed. “He will go crazy.” “You have options,” she softly says. “I’m keeping it.” There is no hesitation despite my initial concerns. “I don’t care I’m only sixteen and not ready to be a mother. I’ll learn.” My hands gravitate to my stomach, and I carefully place my palms there. “J may no longer love me, but I love him, and I already love our baby.” I eyeball my friend. “This innocent baby doesn’t deserve to die because we were dumb.
I don’t fault anyone who makes the decision to get an abortion. That is their decision and their right, just like this is mine. I could never abort Jared’s baby. I want it.” “Then we need to make plans. Starting with finding a way to tell Jared.” Her lips purse. “I don’t care whether he’s moved on. It takes two to make a baby, and he has a responsibility now. To both of you. You won’t be alone. You’ll have me, but he needs to be involved too.” “Even if he doesn’t want me, he will want his child.” I hope. It’s not like I can claim to know him anymore. “I can’t keep this from him. At the very least, he needs to know.” — I was 26 years old now. I did not expect I could meet him again. “We’re interrupting. I’m sorry,” a man with a deep male voice says.
“We can come back at the prearranged time.” All the blood drains from my body when I hear his voice. I grip the edge of the desk as my vision blurs, my head spins, and my body sways. His voice is deeper than I remember, but I would know it anywhere. Not just because I’ve heard him speak in countless interviews over the years. Never moving on from the boy who became a massive rock star, adored and admired by millions of people around the globe, is its own form of torture. No matter how hard I have tried to forget Jared, it’s impossible when his face is plastered across social media and his words dominate the airwaves. “That won’t be necessary,” Francesca says in her professional voice. “It’s my gallery manager’s birthday today. We have more than enough cake, and I’m sure Sydney won’t mind sharing.” Shock is splayed across Gemma’s face, and her cheeks are flushed.
Our male colleagues are equally excited, but they hide their reaction better. We were joking earlier that the new clients were rock stars because a host of them are in town for the MTV awards. I hadn’t checked the lineup, because what are the chances I move to Florence and the man who has haunted my dreams for years shows up in my neck of the woods? You couldn’t make this up if you tried. Gemma is giving me weird eyes, and I know I’m being rude not turning around or responding to Francesca’s statement, but I physically cannot move. I am rooted to the spot and shaking all over as pure terror shoots through my veins.
Without conscious thought, my fingers wind around the silver Tiffany locket resting on my collarbone. This cannot be happening. “Sydney?” A rough quality spears through Jared’s tone, and I hear him take a step closer. “Sydney Shaw?” Gemma’s eyes pop wide, and I feel eyeballs on me from both sides. Briefly, I close my eyes and beg my body to get with the program. I can do this. I can act unaffected. I’ve had experience faking it with the best, and I just need to put on the show of a lifetime. There will be plenty of time to fall apart in private after he’s gone. Ignoring the shocked and curious gazes of my friends and coworkers, I plaster the biggest faux smile on my face and turn around to face the boy who ripped through my heart like a juggernaut.