Beast Novel – Almost two years after divorcing my abusive ex-husband, I’ve finally made a life for me and my son. Now, something feels off. I can’t wrap my mind around why he’s even interested in me. “My father www… He was mean.” Beast lowers himself until he’s eye level with my son. “Hhee always hit mommy,” Duncan continues. “Mommy always protected me. But one time, he hit me and mommy was so angry that we left.” “Is that so?” Beast says, looking up at me. Where his face was soft while looking at Duncan, it’s nothing but rage as he glances up at me. “I would never hit a woman or a child,” Beast says, still staring at me. I’m being held in a way that has tears flowing down my face. I feel safe. I feel protected.
I got so lost in my excitement of the day that I completely forgot to set the timer. Please, don’t be burned. “Oh, thank goodness,” I sigh. “They’re perfect.” I pull them out and grab one of the to-go boxes I have for large takeout orders. After drizzling my special frosting on top, I pack them neatly in the box. “Here you are,” I tell the giant man currently waiting by the register. He pulls out his wallet and looks up at me expectantly. “It’s on the house,” I tell him. “I’m sure it wasn’t very comfortable sitting in that chair for all those hours.” Without saying a word, he pulls out a fifty-dollar bill and drops it in the tip jar. “Thank you, sweetheart,” he smiles. “These are the most delicious things I’ve ever had.” I’m about to thank him when the door swings open and my favorite little person waltzes in. “Hhhi, mmmoomy. I jjjust watched eeeveryone get on a pppp. On a pppp. Dang it. On a ppplane.” “Hello, baby boy,” I smile, leaning down to hug his tiny body.
“Did your uncles get to the airport on time?” “Only bbbecause Uncle Ccccooper told them hhhe would leave without them.” I pick up my baby and hold him against my chest while holding in my laughter. “Uncle Cooper is always trying to boss everyone around, isn’t he?” I laugh. “Especially yyyou, mommy.” “Isn’t that the truth?” I mumble. I glance at the door and smile at my sitter, Rachel. “Thank you, Rachel,” I tell her. “I hope my brothers didn’t give you any trouble.” “Your brothers are something else, Miss Childers,” she sighs. “I’m not sure I could have survived much longer with all of that testosterone under one roof. However, it looks like this man has more testosterone than all five of them combined.” I look up at Beast and watch as the corner of his lip tips up. The very fact that Rachel is the one who caused that small smile makes me angry. And I don’t know why. “Thank you, Rachel,” I say calmly. “I’ll see you in the morning.” “Sure thing, Miss C. See ya little C.” “Bbbye, Rrrr,” Duncan sighs in frustration. “Bye. When Duncan was two years old, he was diagnosed with autism. He’s a very smart boy but he can’t handle change very well. And, when something disrupts his schedule, he becomes really anxious. For the past two weeks, he’s had to adjust to me leaving at all hours to prepare the store.
Then he had to adjust to my brother’s visit and a new babysitter. Now, he has to adjust to his uncle’s being gone and me not being there to wake him up in the mornings. He always has a stutter when he talks, but it’s been more pronounced lately and it makes me feel like a horrible mom. “Wow.” I follow Duncan’s gaze as he looks up at Beast. “You’re giant,” he says with wonder. “I am,” Beast chuckles. “Wow,” he repeats, causing us both to laugh. “You’re as big as a bear. Have you ever fighted one?” “I’m bigger than a bear,” Beast teases. “And, I have not. But, rest assured, little man, if there ever comes a time when I come face to face with a bear, I will win.” “Wow.” “It’s not polite to stare,” I say when I remember that I’m supposed to be a parent and not admiring Beasts beastly size. “It’s alright, sweetheart,” Beast says gently. “I know I look big and possibly scary, but I would never hurt you.” The worry in Beast’s eyes has me wondering if he has to be this cautious with everyone he meets. “I’m not ssscared,” my little man says. “I ttthink it’s sso cool. Mommy, wwwill I ever get that bbbig?” “I’m not sure, love,” I say, placing him back on his feet. My little man is getting heavy.
“I’m not a very tall person and neither is…” I stop myself short, not wanting to bring up his father. “The men in your life are not as big as this man,” I continue. “All of your uncles are very tall, though, so it’s a possibility.” “My father isn’t bbbig,” Duncan says, causing my heart to skip a beat. He hasn’t mentioned the man since we left. “Mmmy ffffather www… He wwwas mmean.” Beast lowers himself until he’s eye level with my son. His face is soft as he listens to Duncan talk about his father, but in his eyes, I can see the storm brewing. “Hhee aalways hit mmmommy,” Duncan continues. I want to stop this conversation, but I can’t seem to even breathe around the knot in my throat. “Mmmommy always pppprotected me. Bbbut one time, he hit me and mmmommy was so angry that we left.” My Duncan is a shy boy. Why in the world is he telling our family drama to this stranger? “Is that so?” Beast says, looking up at me. Where his face was soft while looking at Duncan, it’s nothing but rage as he glances up at me. “It’s cause I lllefft mmy legos on the floor and he sssstepped on one,” Duncan continues, as if Beast isn’t about to wage war in my little bakery. “Alright, baby,” I finally manage to say. “Why don’t you go over and sit at a table while I finish closing down?” “Aaare yyyou lllike my ffaather?”
“Duncan Tyler,” I say, shocked. “Please do as I ask.” “I would never hit a woman or a child,” Beast says, still staring at me. “My job is to protect women and children from men like your father.” “Cccoool.” Duncan skips his little butt to a table and pulls out his tablet from his bookbag. “I am so sorry,” I say, completely embarrassed. “Duncan is Autistic. He doesn’t really have a filter.” Beast stands and takes two steps towards me. He’s so close now that if I take a single deep breath, my chest will be pressed against his abdomen. I have to lean back a little to look up at his face. He still seems very angry. Logically, I know that it isn’t directed towards me, but I guess I haven’t fought my way out of the conditioning my ex-husband put me through. Fear causes me to take a step back when Beast reaches for my face. He freezes for a second, but then continues to move. I have to force myself to hold still while this beast of a man gently cups my face.
He doesn’t say a single word. He just holds my face and stares. After a long moment, he gently pulls me against his body, presses my head against his chest, and wraps his arms completely around me. I’m being held in a way that has tears flowing down my face. With his arms somehow wrapped around my whole body, I feel safe. I feel protected. He holds me like that for a long while. When he does eventually let me go, I feel exposed. I feel vulnerable. I want so badly to hide myself back in his embrace. “You go and finish up, baby,” he says softly. “I’m going to go and hang out with little man until you’re done.” I’m frozen to the floor as I watch him go and sit on the opposite side of Duncan. I can’t hear what he says, but Duncan smiles wide and glances in my direction with a very prominent nod. Oh boy. Finally finding my feet, I turn and move to clean up the mess from the rolls I just baked.