Mercy Lake Novel – “I’m pregnant…with your husband’s baby,” said Everly, my close friend that I’d known for years. I had come home from work to find her in my driveway, saying she had to speak with me. I even offered her a cup of tea as we settled on the couch, side by side. In no way did I expect those next words out of her mouth. My brain glitched…then glitched again. Surely, I’d misheard? Then. She kept on talking. “We didn’t mean for this to happen…” Crack. “He’s been so scared to tell you…” Crack. “But we have to try. For the baby…” Crack. I could feel my heart splintering from each statement, each revelation. Then the front door slammed open, my husband Owen stalling in the doorway. His usual soft brown eyes looked anything but as his gaze bounced between us to then settle on mine—with sheer and utter panic. Shatter.
Everly bolted to her feet which made Owen snap into action. He came for us—for her. “What have you done?” He asked, pulling on Everly’s arm, as if to get her away from me. Probably for her own safety in case I snapped into a psychotic rage. Lucky for them both I felt numb. “She deserves to know.” “I was going to tell her. My way. Fu-ck, Everly.” Up until that point I was in some bizarre dissociative state. As if I was a third person floating from afar, silently watching my own life implode right before my eyes. That’s when some arbitrary emotions sparked enough for my thoughts to take root, for their absurd declarations to actually make sense. Owen was fighting with a woman…a woman that was not his wife. I listened, concentrated hard, finally hearing his words above the roaring in my ears. “I told you I’d look after my baby, I told you! That doesn’t mean you can come here…” My baby. He said it. With his own voice, his very own mouth.
Owen had already claimed this unborn child. Already considered this new life, his. Ignoring their lovers spat I bypassed them, bolted up the stairs to our main bedroom and started packing. My scrambled mind shut out their yelling, shut out their arguing and concentrated on what I had to do right in that moment. Leave and escape. Preferably without killing them both. Once I had retrieved all my important documents and valuables, I started on my belongings. Haphazardly throwing anything and everything that the suitcase could fit. Because once I left, I was never coming back. Our loving home that we had lived for two years after our fairytale wedding, all those memories eviscerated. I rubbed against my sternum, a niggling pain that festered within my chest. Leave. Escape. Once the suitcase was full to bursting, I managed to zip it closed before the bedroom door swung open with a bang, near falling off its hinges. Owen stood there, wide eyed and panting before me. I’d been so preoccupied I hadn’t realised it had gone quiet, too quiet. Their screams had ceased…if only that aided the never-ending screams reverberating inside my head. “You can’t leave! Let me explain.
Let’s sit down and talk.It wasn’t supposed to go like this. I was supposed to—” He didn’t deserve my time, not a single second. I grabbed the suitcase and went to barge past when he blocked my way. “You’re not leaving.” He looked rabid, like he was on the verge of losing his sanity. Too late for me though, I guess. I should have taken that as a warning, read his expression properly, processed his rage beneath the desperation…but I just didn’t care. “Don’t you want the house for your new wife, your new family?” “You’re my wife. You’re my family.” I flinched. The audacity of this man. The actual balls he had to have intercourse with me the night before his mistress came over to implode our life with their big announcement. I rubbed my sternum again, trying to get rid of that pesky ache that wouldn’t quit. Then my mind snapped and I started laughing. Cackling even. I don’t know what was happening with my body, I think it was defecting, but anything was better than crying. I wouldn’t give him my tears. Nothing. “You’re delusional,” I managed to spit. Owen’s hands raised in surrender. “Let me explain.” I sobered immediately. “There’s nothing to explain, I don’t want to know. I know enough. Move.” As I went to pivot around him, he stepped in my way, again. He didn’t touch me though.
As soon as I stopped the stupid moron thought that was his in, to tell me about his sordid love affair with my ex-friend. “Everly and I, we—” I screamed. Until my lungs were strained and my throat tore apart, I screamed. Hearing him say her name made my gut turn. Made me so sick. The high pitched screech came to a halt as I concentrated on regaining my breath. “Don’t ever speak her name in front of me again. Better yet, you don’t ever speak to me again. Don’t touch me, don’t look at me. From now on, you don’t exist.” I could see the terror in his eyes, the fear setting in as he tried and failed to placate me. This new unhinged version of his wife that he had never met. Welcome to my alter ego jerk. The scorned heartbroken wife that will destroy you. Yet, he still harped on with his sh-it. “You’re not leaving until we talk this out. I’m not losing you over this.” Fed up I decided if he wasn’t going to let me go, I would bulldoze straight through him. I shoved with all my might, pitching a hard shoulder into his torso. Get out of my way. And you know what that cheating jerk done? He thought he would restrain me, hold my wrists to prevent them from pummelling into his chest. When that started, I’m not sure.
But it felt good. So, I continued to throw hands—punching, slapping, scratching. Trying to inflict the same pain that was festering in my veins, in the marrow of my bones. Unbearable, crippling, pain. The assault didn’t stop until he was squeezing my wrists so hard, they felt like they were going to fracture. Our chests heaved as we shared breath between us. I’d rather be oxygen depraved then share the same air as him. I’d rather my skin peel off then have his touch. “You’re going to hurt yourself,” he said, his voice choked with sadness. Leave. Escape. I tried to twist out of his hold but he wouldn’t relent. I wasn’t stupid, I knew how much his physical strength outweighed my own, still I couldn’t help but try. And for the first time since this newfound revelation, I stared him dead in the eyes and let him see that internal shift inside me. Watch motherfu-cker and see what you have done. His fingers inadvertently tightened on my bruising wrists that I whimpered.
“Break them. Everything else I have, you broke.” Owen stumbled back, dropping his hold immediately, horror freshly painted over his face. “I will give you time. But we’re going to talk, Alexis. I’m going to fix this.” I couldn’t deal with him much longer. I could feel the tether of my emotions pushing forward, wanting release. I had to get out before I broke down. Had to get out before I crumbled to the floor where I’d be unable to get back up. I shut that sh-it down. Packing all that hurt, all that useless feeling so far down to revisit another time. Leave. Escape. As if Owen could see the resolve hardening in place, he lost his composure. His voice cracked on a sob, tears ran from his eyes as he instinctively reached for me. His palms squeezed my cheeks as he dispersed smooch all over my face. Silently begging, pleading. Each brush of contact reverent, each caress sealed with a vow. One which he had already set on fire and burnt to ash. And I felt nothing. I was an empty shell. Subjectively I could feel his touch, but the neurons weren’t relaying to my brain. I couldn’t even feel his lips, not really. I just felt cold…so utterly cold. After he naturally tapered off by laying one last smooch to my lips, he finished by looking deep into my eyes. Searching for something he would no longer find. Then I gave him my reply.
“Your touch feels like poison,” I said. So, matter a fact and genuine, the words made him wince backward. Taking advantage of his distraction, I bolted for the door, towards my freedom. “You will never see me again.” I risked one last glance before my exit. One tiny token to take with me on this perilous journey ahead where I’d found myself alone. Owen had crumbled to his knees, pulling at his hair, sobbing please over and over again. Without another word I walked out of our shared life, the life he had broken beyond repair. – I was parked at Mercy Lake, our lake. I don’t remember driving or even how I got there, but it seemed poetic in a way. This place was the epicentre of everything important in mine and Owen’s relationship. It’s where we shared our first smooch, where we awkwardly lost our first time in the backseat of his car. By the lakeside is where he proposed and subsequently where we had our wedding ceremony. It was symbolic in so many ways, that it felt natural as I walked to the edge of the water. Night had fallen and the black surface remained pristine as the sounds of nature drew me in to a sense of melancholy. I was alone. And would remain so.
I rubbed at my sternum, those harrowing emotions threatening to burst forth once more. Sliding my phone free from my pocket, I ignored all the messages and missed calls from my soon to be ex-husband and ex-friend. I blocked them without looking at their desperate pleas and pathetic apologies. A lame excuse to assuage their guilt. I refused to do that to myself. Wallow on the when, why and how. None of it mattered since the end result would still be the same. Everly was pregnant with Owen’s baby. It was a double betrayal. I lost two people at once, their treachery inflicting wounds so deep that I knew I would never fully recover. The instant loss was extreme and all-consuming that the same blearing thought blasted on repeat. A sense of self-preservation. Leave. Escape. And I knew exactly who’d help me. I called Alicia. “Hey, sis. This is a bit late for you?” her cherry voice chirped through the speaker. That’s all it took. The sound of my sisters teasing tone that had me undone. A sob broke out as I choked through the phone. “I need you.” Then I thoroughly broke apart, collapsing to the grass since my legs refused to keep me upright any longer. I was unsure on how much time had passed. I was cold, scared, alone, submerged in a void of depressing black, until warm arms pulled me back into a tight embrace. Alicia held me close, cradling my head in her lap as she stroked my hair. “I’m here,” she repeated.
“I’m here.” – As awareness sept back in, I looked at my sister to find tears tracking down her face. I wiped mine, trying to catch some semblance of normalcy. “How’d you find me?” “Your location. You still have it on.” I sat up and cleared my throat. “I don’t know where to go from here.” Since she had arrived, I had given her the rundown of what had happened. It took some time, between the cries and threats but I managed to relay everything I knew—which wasn’t much and too much, all at the same time. “We can go back to mum and dads?” “I can’t see—” I choked. “I don’t ever want to see him again, Alicia.” Our parents lived a five minute drive from my house—correction—Owen’s house. I knew once my ex-husband had overcome his temporary breakdown, he would chase after me, and my parents would be the first stop on his redemption tour. I refused to go there. “Then you’re coming with me,” she said, so straight forward that I launched myself at her, crushing her in a bear hug. Alicia worked as a high profile financial advisor in the city, a four hour drive away.
She just happened to be visiting Acacia Falls over the weekend and was due to leave the next day. Looks like those plans where expedited. We gradually made our way to the parking lot. I removed my suitcase and put it in her boot, transferred half mine and Owen’s joint savings to her account, then left my phone and keys on the driver’s seat of my (former) car. “You sure you don’t want to take anything else?” she asked, her voice laced with concern. I shook my head. “I want a fresh break. I don’t want anything that can remind me of them—of him. They’ve already taken everything of worth.” Alicia wanted to argue but restrained herself when I slammed the door shut, maybe a bit too hard. I strolled to her car, meandering over this new future that I was suddenly thrust upon. We were leaving town, without a word or goodbye.
Alicia said she’d send for her things, which was a minor travel bag anyway. We also resigned to the fact that our parents would want to kill us, but they would have to settle for a phone call instead. I refused to be stuck in that small town. Trying to survive each day knowing that one, if not, both betrayers were close by. And I’d have to see Owen, since I was a nurse and he was a physiotherapist working in the same hospital—the only hospital in the general vicinity. Nope. That sounded all sorts of horrible, to remain in a realm of torture that I did not want to venture. I told him he’d never see me again and I intended on keeping my promise. As I went to get into Alicia’s car, a flash of moonlight reflected off the jewellery still settled on my finger. Sprinting to the water’s edge, I tugged off my wedding rings and threw them as far as I could. Giving the lake another one of my firsts, letting the dark water swallow any last semblance of my marriage, of anything that consisted of Owen Ivans and me.