The Biker And His Girl Novel – “I’m pregnant,” deciding to just rip it off like a band-aid, I blurt, Dead. Silence. And while both of us are busy not saying anything, staring at each other, his face turns to stone. Cold. Infuriated.Betrayed. “I told you what would happen if you ever tried to trap me with a baby.” “I’m doing you the courtesy of informing you that you’re going to be a father.” “Let me tell you how this is gonna go. You leave here and never contact me again. You and your prick don’t exist for me.” Before I could blink, he walked out of his office into the common area of the clubhouse, calling for Stephanie, then he slept with her in front of me. I left in anger. I vowed to live well for my children and I would never forgive this hateful prick. I want him to pay for everything!
Somehow, Daire and I have been together — but still not labeled — for seven months. But that’s all about to end, I have no doubt. “Hey, little one,” he said to me with the big smile he saves for me as I walked into his office. When I didn’t walk over to him right away, his eyebrows drew down. “I need to talk to you,” I began. Those gorgeous eyes suddenly turned wary. “Doesn’t sound good.” Deciding to just rip it off like a band-aid, I blurt, “I’m pregnant.” Dead. Silence. And while both of us are busy not saying anything, staring at each other, his face turns to stone. Cold. Infuriated. Betrayed. “I told you what would happen if you ever tried to trap me with a baby.” His tone was so cold it sent a chill racing down my spine. This is not a man to cross, I was reminded.
“You did,” I said calmly. “But I’m not trying to trap you. I’m doing you the courtesy of informing you that you’re going to be a father. Let me be clear that I’m not asking you for anything: no support, no involvement, nothing. I just didn’t want you to think I kept this from you. It felt wrong not letting you know you’re going to be a father.” “Wrong,” he snarled. “I’m not going to be a father. You can get an abortion and then get out of my life.” He hurled his coffee mug against the wall, where it shattered, sending coffee and ceramic shards flying everywhere. “You prick, you thought this was your golden ticket to trap me for good, didn’t you?” “Not true,” I tried to speak. “Daire, I swear I didn’t plan this.” He pointed a finger right in my face. “Shut your fuckin’ mouth! Let me tell you how this is gonna go. You leave here and never contact me again. I don’t want to see you, hear from you, or be contacted in any way by you ever again. You and your prick don’t exist for me.
You come into my presence again, and I will make you regret ever meeting me. You got it?” I waited a beat, staring into the eyes so filled with rage and hatred that I couldn’t see any evidence of the man I loved in there. He was gone, apparently, replaced by a man who was capable of spewing such vileness that I was shocked. I lifted my chin, “Completely.” “If I start seeing you around, I’ll go after you. If I’m somewhere, you need to leave if you see me. I’m going to make your life so miserable that you’re going to need to move so I never have to see you or your prick again if you don’t get rid of it. Fuckin’. I warned you what would happen if you tried to trap me.” “I didn’t –” He put his face in mine and roared, “Did I say you could talk? Get out of here! And make sure I never see you again.” Before I could blink, he walked out of his office into the common area of the clubhouse, calling for Stephanie, one of the club whores who’s been panting after him since before we got together.
He pointed to the floor, she dropped to her knees, unzipped his pants and I practically sprinted past so I didn’t have to see any more. The last thing I heard was Daire telling her to make him feel good. He’s true to his word. After one week of not seeing him at all, the next two weeks have him suddenly appearing wherever I am whenever I go out – to the grocery store, to the park, for a walk. And I have to leave not only because of his threats, but because I am absolutely shattered. How could the man I love have such a hateful side to him? He must have either my phone or my car – or both – tracked to always know where I am.
There’s a possibility he has someone watching me, but that seems like a huge amount of effort for someone who wanted me to stay out of his way. What’s tearing at me is that I’ve made no attempt to contact or see him since I left the clubhouse that horrible day, but he’s been making sure my life is miserable. I was so nauseated from morning sickness that I didn’t feel like cooking for the first few weeks. The three restaurants in town are owned by the MC and they all refused to wait on me. The women I’d thought had become my friends in the seven months I’d been with Daire acted like they didn’t know me, and I knew it was on Daire’s orders. He’s the one pushing it, making it worse than it needs to be. The final straw is when the people I rent my condo from tell me they had some financial setback and needed me out in a week.
This had Daire’s fingerprints all over it, so I didn’t fight it. Just one week to get out, and I didn’t even bother looking into other apartments to rent. I knew he’d have me blocked from renting anywhere in the tri-county area, if not farther. So, after several weeks of tormenting me, his wish was coming true: I was about to disappear from his life forever, and I’d been stealthily, and untraceably, making a plan with the help of my neighbor, Mrs. Andrews. I didn’t want Daire to know where I was going, nor where I ended up in case he decided to continue harassing me. Since he’d made it so intolerable for me to be here, my disappearance would be a relief. He’d never have to worry about seeing me or our child ever again. Life would be good for him; as for me, I never thought I’d feel such animosity toward another human being in my life. Knowing that bitterness is not good for me or my baby, I focused on my plans, trying to stay positive and rejoice in the new life I was cradling inside of me.
Daire knew nothing of my friendship with Mrs. Andrews, a seventy-year-old sweetheart who lived two floors below me. There was nothing that connected us. Her only daughter is an OB-GYN, which is critical for the first part of the plan. I was going to go live with her in Texas until my baby was born. After six weeks of recovery, I’d drive to Montana, near the Idaho/Wyoming border where Mrs. Andrews owns some of the buildings on the main street in the tiny town. There’s a two-bedroom apartment above a bakery that she’s going to rent to me. She wanted me to live there for free, but I insisted on paying rent. I think she’s enjoyed the cloak-and-dagger aspect of this Mission: As she calls it. Her unmarried daughter, Maggie, was also getting into it.
She’d see me after hours, off the books, and since I’d be keeping my driver’s license in North Carolina, and I’d be living with Maggie, I’d be untraceable. We worked out a deal where I would cook and clean for her every day in lieu of paying for utilities and rent. She absolutely refused to take any payments for medical care. The day the baby and I would leave for Montana, I’d first get a license with my address listed as Maggie’s, open a joint account with her, and file the baby’s birth certificate. My checks would return to direct deposit and she’d mail out the money to me in care of the bakery through the medical office mail. All of this helped me to feel safe from Daire and his possible machinations. You can’t come after anyone who has disappeared. I was giving him his heart’s desire and removing myself completely from his life. If it gutted me to think about everything he’d put me through, why did I still wish things could have been different with him?
One year later… I awoke to soft whimpering from my five-month-old daughter, Elly. With a quick glance at the clock on my nightstand, I see she let me sleep in until six this morning. A banner day with my morning girl. I’ve learned to go to bed earlier so mornings don’t hit me so hard in the face. Rolling out of bed, I leaned over to look at her in her bedside bassinette. I knew I needed to move her to her own bedroom soon, but I’d been thinking that I would turn the master over to her and take the tiny bedroom for myself. Even though the master isn’t huge, it will fit her crib, dresser, rocking chair, bookshelf and play area better than the other bedroom. My girl smiled big at her mama and reached her chubby arms to me. She’s an adorable little chunk who you just wanted to squish she’s so darn precious. “Hello, sweetheart,” I cooed quietly. “How’s my baby girl today?” She kicked and waved her arms as I picked her up and snuggled her. “So how do you feel about a walk to the park today? We can stop first at the bakery. You don’t care so much about that, but mama could go for a latte and a croissant.
It’s Celebrate Saturday!” Sinking into the rocking chair, I nestled her close so she could nurse. Elly had a healthy appetite and she got right on her task as she stared at me and I stared back, smiling. It slayed me when she smiled around my chest and I didn’t think my heart could contain all this love. Daire’s genes have proven dominant – am I really surprised? – and she is his mini-me. Same abundant dark hair, eyes same unique shade of blue so intense it’s almost violet. She even has a dimple on the left side of her mouth, just like her…DNA donor, as I’ve taken to thinking of him. But it’s hard not to think of him when I see his features in her. I switched her to the other chest and she continued to feed as if she’d never eaten before in her life. My little girl is a little piglet. When she was done, I burped her then took her into the bathroom and put her in her bouncy seat so I could grab a quick shower. After, I threw on a pair of jean shorts and a pale pink V-neck T-shirt and my running shoes. Then I dressed Elly in an adorable little pink romper and a tiny white eyelet bonnet on her head.
“Should we go see Miss Mellie?” I asked her. She loved the bakery owner and they had a mutual admiration society. “Then some park time after our walk. My girl likes to swing, don’t you? Maybe if you’re not too tired, we can fit in a stop at the shelter and see some puppies. I think we need some nap time, then a trip to the grocery store, some book time, some tummy time – oh, my! Such a busy day, little one.” As a finishing touch, I pulled teeny tiny white anklet socks with pink edging on her pudgy feet. Nobody tells you how utterly adorable baby feet are. I eat them up after her baths and Elly just belly laughs every time. We walked downstairs to the back of the bakery where Melissande allows me to keep Elly’s stroller tucked into a little alcove by the door. Before I pulled it down, I walked into the bakery and greeted Mellissande and her counter girls, Katie and Audra. Since there was a lull, the three of them converged on Elly and oohed and ahhed over her little outfit, giving her pecks. Elly owned us all, no doubt about it. I paid for my latte and croissant and decided to eat at the park.
Mellissande held Elly while I put my latte in the cup holder and the diaper bag and croissant in the basket underneath. With waves to the girls, we took off on our day’s adventures, me chattering to Elly as we strolled down the street. It’s a habit I began when I was pregnant and I’ve kept up in the months since her birth. Talking to her about anything and everything, especially about her father. Of course, I just stuck to the good memories and never talked to her about the last day I spoke with him. We walked for about two hours all over town, saying hello to our friends and chatting with various store keepers. We’ve made a lot of acquaintances since we moved here in March, and now that’s its finally warm, we’re deepening those ties since we can stay out longer. I walked us back to the park, which is only about ten minutes from home, and Elly was delighted to swing on the baby swing, giggling the whole time. When she started to get fussy, I knew it was time to head home so she could eat before her nap.
“Come on, little one. Time to head home and eat. Maybe we can read some books before you nap.” I loved reading to her. I’m not sure she understood anything, but she looked intently at the books as I held her in my lap and read. By the time we made it back to the bakery, she was getting fussier. “Just another couple of minutes,” I promised her. I turned the corner into the alley behind the bakery and stopped dead. Propped one shoulder against the door, arms crossed over his massive chest, was Daire. I could feel the blood draining from me as I wheeled Elly around to get away from him. If I’m somewhere, you need to leave when you see me. My stomach plummeted as my heart tried to beat out of my chest, the blood pounding in my ears.
Was he going to follow me to every place I lived and make it impossible to remain there? Was he that vindictive? I couldn’t stay near him or he’d take it as a threat and go after me and try to take Elly from me. But him, I left. I left without a word. I never asked him for a thing. I never contacted him; I followed his rules about leaving the second I saw him before I completely left town for good. He followed me here. Still, the instinct to run from this predator is strong and I was almost hyperventilating as I blasted away from him as fast as the stroller would allow. It still wasn’t fast enough, and one strong arm wrapped around my waist as his other hand took hold of the stroller handle. “Stop, Aspen,” he rasped at me. “No more running.” I fought against his grip, scratching with my – unfortunately—short nails, but I kicked and threw elbows. “Fuckin’ stop, woman,” he commanded, taking his one hand off the stroller to wrap both around me, lifting me up so my feet are off the ground and my arms are trapped against my body. His lips were right next to my ear, trying to calm me with soft words, and Elly, somehow sensing something was wrong, began wailing. “Let me go!” I shouted, my need to get to my daughter overriding my fear of him. He set me down, and I got in front of the stroller to unstrap my sobbing daughter.
“It’s OK, little one,” I soothed her, even though I was anything but calm, “Mama’s got you. Shhh, shhh, shhh.” Her little head nuzzles my neck but she wouldn’t stop crying, and I knew the only thing that would soothe her right then was nursing. She was hungry, tired and upset – a very bad combination she has never once experienced in her short life. I grabbed the stroller’s handle with my free hand, ignoring Daire, and I maneuvered myself and the stroller behind him until I reached the keypad for the back door. I angled my body so Daire couldn’t see the code I punched in and I opened the door. Pushing the stroller inside into the alcove, I keyed in the code to my door. As I opened it, a tattooed hand held the door open for me and I hurried up the stairs, Elly’s desperate cries the only thing I could deal with at the moment. I wasn’t even going to argue about him invading my space. When I got into her room, her cries were even more frantic and I collapsed onto the rocker, opened my shirt and undid the nursing flap on my bra. Knowing what’s almost in reach, Elly gave a shuddering breath and latched on so hard it made me jump. My fingers played with her hair to further soothe her and she patted the hand that’s not against my body on my swollen chest. The tip of my index finger softly caressed her chubby cheek as she suckled.
Now that she’d calmed and was getting what she needed, my mind moved to my next problem, one that wasn’t going to be as easily solved. Why was he here? There was no way he was in the neighborhood when there are no MCs in this county, and Montana is not within dropping-in distance from North Carolina. He had no right to try to run me out of this town unless he was operating out of pure spite. And that’d have to be some pretty heavy-duty spite to travel thousands of miles just to torment me. Elly’s frantic sucking had her ready to move to the other chest in what seemed like no time. I could tell by the way she was getting agitated, so I grabbed the blanket from the arm of the rocker to cover myself since Daire was somewhere nearby. He was closer than I realized as that huge, inked hand pulled the blanket off of me with a quiet, firm, “No.” I forced myself not to react, not wanting to upset my baby girl all over again. And Daire remained by my side, looking down on the daughter he didn’t want. My goal is to find out why he was here and to get rid of him, returning to my regularly scheduled life.
Then I notice that Elly’s eyes aren’t focused on me for the first time ever, but on the tall man standing right next to the chair. Refusing to look up at him, I could only assume he’s locked in a staring contest with his daughter. I wondered what kind of thoughts were running through his head as he gazed at her tiny perfection. She suddenly let go of my chest and, still looking straight at Daire, gifted him with a milky smile while she reached her tiny hand out to him. Hearing his soft intake of breath, I sensed movement as he crouched down at my side, a tattooed finger reaching out for her hand. Five tiny little fingers grasped his index finger, and she returned to nursing, her eyes focused on Daire, still holding his finger that is now way too close to my chest. “She’s fuckin’ perfect,” he breathed quietly, more to himself, I realized, than to me. Within minutes, Elly’s eyes began to flutter, and after a few more soft pulls on my chest, she was out. Her perfect rosebud mouth falls away and I sigh, silently agreeing with his assessment of Elly’s utter perfection.
Taking a second to pull my nursing bra back together and pull my shirt down, I stood up and walked her past Daire to my little room, where I placed her in the sturdy bassinette by my bed. Daire followed after us, and I could feel the intensity of his stare as he watched me settle her, lightly patting her back. I flipped on the monitor and walked out of the room, closing the door behind us. Once we made it ten steps to the living area/kitchen, I turned to face him with my arms crossed protectively across my chest. “Why are you here?” I demanded quietly. “I got out of town, never asked you for anything, and left you completely alone on the other side of the country. Your name is not on her birth certificate, she has my last name and nothing connects her to you. I did everything you asked, and yet you still found it necessary to track me down and disrupt my life.” Something I couldn’t identify flashed in his eyes, but I forgot about that as he stunned me with his words.
“You disappeared and you didn’t think I’d worry? It took us a year to track you down, and all that time I didn’t know if you were OK or not, if the baby was OK – what was going on.” “Are you kidding me right now?” I hissed. “You told me to disappear! You had me evicted from my apartment! You told me to never contact you again or you would take my baby and put her up for adoption. You told me to leave if I ever saw you in town or you’d take action against me. Why would I think for even one second that you’d worry about either of us at all? You wanted me gone and I. Got. Gone. Congratulations – you got exactly what you wanted.” “No, I didn’t.” He ran his hand through his hair in a very un-Daire like move. He’d never been anything but completely self-assured and arrogant. And why wouldn’t he be? He runs the largest MC in the tri-state area and has enough pull and money to make whatever he wants to happen…happen. We won’t even talk about the women he has throwing themselves at him. Before me, he traded them in every month. I’m sure after I left, he went back to his flavor of the month routine. I closed my eyes briefly against the last view I had of him with Stephanie falling to her knees before him and reaching for his zipper. I will never forgive him, ever.