This Time, I Choose Myself Novel – When I opened my eyes, I found I had returned to fifty years in the past. In my last life, I had died in a hospital bed. Only before my death did I learn that my husband, Julian Blackwood, and his one true love, Isabelle Reed, had been entangled for a full fifty years. His twenty days of business trips a month were all just excuses to travel with her. The entire family knew. I was the only one kept in the dark. And the reason he never married Isabelle? He couldn’t bear to see his true love trapped in household trivialities. He wanted her to be a princess, cherished and adored, while I was only fit to be a frumpy housewife, worn down by the daily grind of household chores. On the day I died, everyone said I was petty and deserved to die of anger. … The first thing I did after my rebirth was rush to the airport.
The airport was swarming with people. I, breathless, wove through the crowd and finally spotted the three familiar figures at the boarding gate. Julian, in a well-tailored suit, his cool, noble air making him stand out in the crowd. Five-year-old Leo Blackwood wore a small suit, looking like a miniature version of his father. And Isabelle, in a white dress, stood gracefully beside them. They looked like a happy family. “Julian!” My voice echoed through the airport. The three of them turned around at the same time. “Eleanor?” Julian’s brow furrowed slightly. “What are you doing here?” My gaze fell on Isabelle. “Who is she? And where are you going?” Isabelle quickly stepped forward to explain, “Miss Vance, you’ve misunderstood. Julian and I are just friends, we’re just going on a family trip together.
Julian’s parents, David and Helen are here too.” Julian frowned, shielding Isabelle behind him and glaring at me. “How on earth did you find out? Did you really rush over here just to kick up a fuss?” My son, Leo, pushed me away directly. “Mom, don’t interfere with our family trip! You don’t understand anything. You’re only good for staying home!” A chill ran through me. “If it’s a family trip, why don’t you take me together? I’m your mother, your father’s wife. If I don’t deserve it, does she?!” The people around them cast strange glances, and Isabelle’s eyes instantly welled up with tears. Julian and Leo were immediately filled with pity for her, glaring at me. “Making a scene like this in public, have you no shame?” “This is exactly why we didn’t want to bring you! You’re not presentable!” Leo looked at me with disgust. “Aunt Isabelle is gentler than you, prettier than you, better than you in every way… I feel sorry for having a mother like you!” Every word was like a knife, stabbing viciously into my heart.
In my last life, I was like a tireless spinning top in the Blackwood family—working myself ragged for them. I would wake before dawn to prepare Julian’s suit and tie, and stay up late into the night checking Leo’s homework. If Julian’s parents had so much as a headache, I would be at their bedside, personally serving water and medicine. For fifty years, I had worked myself to the bone for this family. But in everyone’s eyes, I was nothing more than an on-call maid, even my existence disgusting. Seeing the scene spiraling out of control, Isabelle quickly bought an extra plane ticket on the spot. “Miss Vance, please come with us. I’m sorry, we failed to take your feelings into account…” Her apology only made Julian and Leo feel that I was being even more unreasonable. On the plane, Julian and Leo fussed over Isabelle the entire time, so much so that even the flight attendant mistook them for a family.
I sat in the back row, gazing at the clouds outside the window, remembering what Julian had said before I died in my last life. “I couldn’t bear to see her trapped in household trivialities, so I’m going to make her my princess.” How ridiculous. I had worn myself down into a frumpy housewife for this family, while Isabelle could always be a princess. When we arrived at our destination, David and Helen’s faces fell the moment they saw me. “Why are you here?” For the three-day trip, I was completely ignored. They gathered around Isabelle, praising her for being elegant and graceful, calling her gentle and considerate. Meanwhile, I was like an invisible person, standing in a corner, watching their happy gathering. When it was time for a group photo, I, afraid of making things awkward, tried to join them. But Leo shoved the camera into my hands. “Mom, you don’t fit in with us. You should be the one to take the picture.” Numbly, I raised the camera. In the viewfinder, I saw Julian with his arm around Isabelle’s shoulder, Leo leaning affectionately against her, and David and Helen smiling with loving expressions.
This scene was identical to the photograph that had enraged me to death in my last life. The moment the shutter clicked, my hands trembled so much I could barely hold the camera steady. I bit my lip hard, just barely stopping the tears from falling. On the way down the mountain, the three cars were just full. “Find your own way back.” Julian got into the car without looking back, not even sparing me a single glance. I walked alone on the rugged mountain path, the scorching sun making me dizzy. My legs were so swollen I could barely move. In the end, I had to drag my exhausted body onto the latest flight home. And from them, there wasn’t a single word of concern, not a shred of guilt. The moment they opened their mouths, it was to give orders. “Iron the clothes.” Julian tossed his suit jacket in front of me. “Clean up the toys.” Leo kicked the scattered toys at my feet. In that moment, the grievance and anger that had built up over two lifetimes finally erupted. “Julian, let’s get a divorce!” My voice wasn’t loud, but it struck the living room like a clap of thunder.
Julian and Leo froze simultaneously, disbelief written all over their uncannily similar handsome faces. “Do you have any idea what you’re saying?” Julian’s voice was as cold as ice. “I know perfectly well.” I lifted my head, looking him straight in the eye. “I. Want. A. Divorce!” They thought I was playing hard to get and, with a cold laugh, called their lawyer. “Regretting it now, aren’t you?” Leo looked at me with disgust, his young face filled with a coldness that didn’t match his age. “It’s not too late to regret it. Apologize to us right now, and Dad and I will pretend we never heard a thing.” But I just smiled, picked up the pen, and without a moment’s hesitation, signed my name on the divorce agreement. This time, in this life, I was done with them.