The One He Never Claimed Novel – My star boyfriend and I have an underground affair.He has never made our relationship public until I see that he betrayed me one day… I’m suddenly understanding why Ezra wanted to keep this a secret. “You cheated on me, how could you?” I ask barely audible. “I was drunk and stupid.I love you so much and I’m so sorry but I can’t lose you.” “Did you see that? Ezra Michaels has done it again! Amazing!” The commentator practically shouts yet he’s barely audible because there’s so much noise from the beyond exhilarated fans. Everyone is so surprised yet not so surprised at the touchdown. It’s like they know this is what he does but it’s amazing every time. Ezra doesn’t just practice football, he studies it. He puts psychology into it and that’s what makes him so amazing at it. I stand on the glass window looking around hoping to catch him but I don’t. His teammates have probably carried him away like they always do.
Crowds of people are running on the field and there’s now music playing in the stadium. I tell my friend Michaela that I’m leaving after a while. I do this so she can go and join her husband in celebration on the field. If I don’t leave then she won’t too and I don’t want that. ‘You were amazing my love. So proud of you.’ I text Ezra as I make my way to the Land Rover. I don’t expect him to respond anytime soon as I know his phone’s probably nowhere to be found right now. I wait for a while knowing Mickey’s probably celebrating with everyone. He left the car open for me and I’m thankful. I pick up the card Ezra wrote for me with a smile. This is the man the world is crazy about right now, his schedule is crazy busy yet he’s got time to write me a cute letter.
I know I’m hard on him but he tries. I met him before he started blowing up and now he’s this huge celebrity so obviously certain things are going to change. We have an intense connection, so intense we keep it between ourselves, by being in a secret relationship. He won’t be picking me up and dropping me off after games anymore and I guess that’s fine. As long as he keeps me in his heart. About an hour later, a very excited Mickey shows up. “Hey, lady of the night.” He says to me and I roll my eyes jokingly at him. He calls me that every time Ezra wins. “Where is he?” I ask him and he just shrugs his shoulders then says, “Everyone’s probably fighting for his attention right now.” Is it selfish that I want him all to myself right now? I’m understanding he’s got millions of fans wanting his attention but when will I get mine? “Yeah.”
I respond with a chuckle hoping it doesn’t sound too fake. Mickey has the radio playing in the background of what’s happening at the stadium right now as we drive. I feel bad that he’s not there because of me. I don’t like staying after his games. I know he wants me to be there while he plays, he says something about how knowing I’m there makes him good at what he does. But after he’s all done, I don’t stay around for the celebration. I like to celebrate with just him at home. Not with a bunch of people I don’t know. Even though Michaela insists to stay with me, I know she would rather go and celebrate with her husband. Understandably. The only reason I’m not there celebrating with Ezra right now is because I can’t. I thank Mickey after he’s dropped me off and I make my way into my house. I make my way upstairs to my room and head straight to the shower. I spend a lot of time in there before coming out and spending another hour on my hair, face, and body.
I’d decided to have a self-care day. It’s now 8 in the evening and he hasn’t called. I don’t want to call him because I’ll seem like I’m nagging him. I know he’s probably out with his teammates right now but a simple message telling me he’s out or something would’ve been mu ch appreciated. I always feel guilty when I have these thoughts. I know what’s happening in his life right now was inevitable and I want to play the understanding girlfriend role so bad, but how do I play the role when he’s never around anymore? We went from seeing each other every day, to a few times a week and now it’s just some days. I wish he would understand the toll it’s taking on me just like I’m understanding this is his life now. After getting myself all comfy, I climb my bed and get ready to have an early night. I get on Instagram to see what my friends are up to and I like all their pictures.
Ezra’s win is all over my feed and so I decide to just put my phone down. But before doing that, I click on the Twitter notification feed that says, ‘Ezra and mystery girl pecking’. I feel my heart stop for just a bit. I’d thought about when the world would know about us a few times before. Either he’d decide to just tell everyone or like in this case, people would just find out. It’s always a distant thought that goes away as soon as it comes and so I’ve never thought about what I’d do if it happened. I mean I guess we live in a small world that’s also very digital. A picture was bound to be taken one of these days. But what happens now? I’m suddenly understanding why Ezra wanted to keep this a secret. I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle that life.
The life of constant scrutiny and judgment. But all those worries suddenly disappear as I stare at the man who owns my heart pecking someone else. Someone else who’s not me. It’s been two days, he hasn’t called. The picture was pretty clear but I’m needing him to tell me there was some sort of a misunderstanding. I need him to tell me it was all a prank and that it meant nothing. Whatever lie he can come up with, I’ll believe it. What I refuse to believe is that the love of my life cheated on me. My Ezra would never. I wipe the tears off my cheeks for the umpteenth time this afternoon. I’m meeting up with the girls in a bit and I can’t be a mess around them. I’d been avoiding them for the two days and I haven’t seen them since Bruno Steiner’s party.
I know they’re already suspecting something is wrong and I can’t afford to have them asking me questions so I need to get myself together. I’m also in no mood to think of lies so I’m really hoping I’m not left in a situation where I have no choice but to. Today I decided I need to go out, I need a distraction. I’ve been stuck in my room and I’m honestly tired of crying and waiting for him to call. That’s why I’d texted Liz earlier. ‘Whatever it is I’m in.’ I’d texted Liz. A car hooter sounds letting me know that she’s here and I rush to take my bag and phone and then head outside. “Hi stranger,” she greets me dramatically, making me roll my eyes jokingly. It’s only been over a week. “Lizzie!” I then say excitedly going in for a hug. Seeing her brings warmth into my heart. I wish more than anything that I didn’t have to lie to her, I hate that Ezra’s put me in this position.
Where I’m hurt and I want to talk to my best friend about it but I can’t. I can’t talk to anyone. “I’ve been recovering from our crazy weekend.” I half lie. it’s better than a complete lie, right? “I know right? I only went back to get my car like two days ago. Bruno and them had a mini party we went to. It was where that Ezra guy pecked that girl.” I beg my heart to calm down. “Oh. Yea that was everywhere.” I hope that didn’t come out high pitched. “Yea, I think they like dating now or something. At least that’s what the tabloids are saying.” I’ve been staying away from the media because of exactly that. “That’s cool. I heard he wasn’t seeing anyone for a while.”
That’s what the world thought anyways. We park the car and she gives me a two-piece swimsuit to put on and I now get why she didn’t tell me where we were going. Liz is not a fan of my not liking to show too much skin and she’s not afraid to show it. She knew I would’ve brought shorts and a vest had she told me we were going to the beach, I definitely would not have worn a bikini. Ezra always felt insecure about me dressing in certain clothing and that was the main reason I’d never worn them. I never wanted him to feel insecure so I always went above and beyond to make him feel more comfortable, even if it meant bringing myself down. I would’ve done anything so he’s happy, too bad I can’t say the same for him. Now that he’s seemingly with someone else, I don’t have to worry myself anymore about his insecurities. So I take the tiny pieces of clothing to put them on as Liz looks at me like I’d grown a third eye. Soon she joins me to put on her own bikini.
We struggle but eventually succeed in taking off our clothes and putting on the swimsuits in the car. The weather is more than accepting of the white tight bikini that I’m wearing and I smile as I look at my reflection on the car window. There’s a reason why Ezra never wanted me to show too much skin, I look good. Liz nods her head in approval and we’re soon walking towards a group of people also in bikinis and shorts. I smile when I see some of our other friends there. “Girl, everyone’s staring at you.” Liz says to me as we walk down the warm sand barefoot but I don’t respond because I notice some of Ezra’s friends sitting on camping chairs right where we’re headed. I don’t know if I want to see him right now. What would I even say to him? He’ll probably be with his new girl to pay any mind to me anyways. I still look around to see if I can catch him somewhere but he doesn’t seem to be in sight.
There are too many people here that I don’t think I have a chance of spotting him even if I tried really hard. I give up looking for him then now start looking for Liz who seems to have disappeared on me. “Wow… Alex right?” I hear a familiar voice making me turn around. Even though I hang around popular people, I’m not a popular person. People don’t even know my name, they just know me as Liz’s friend. So you can imagine my shock when none other than Bruno Steiner refers me by my name. Bruno and I have been around each other, more than a few times, but he’s never individually addressed me before. He’d always hug me but that’s usually because he’ll be going around hugging everyone I was with. “Uh. Yea.” I finally respond with uncertainty to the boy who’s my man’s best friend. I mean my ex. “You’re always so covered up.
You’re really beautiful.” He says to me and I just smile in response. “Are you looking for Liz? I saw her a few minutes ago with Jeremy. She’ll be a while.” I tell him thank you then decide to go say hi and chill with the rest of the girls. He seems to be following me because he’s now sitting next to me and conversing with me and the girls. No one finds it weird because Bruno does these sorts of things all the time. But eventually, his questions get more directed to me than the girls. He’s asking me questions like where I’m from and what I’m into, clearly trying to get to know me. But I don’t find it weird because Bruno Steiner is known as a friendly person. Flirty too but he generally gets along with everyone. He, just like the rest of the world doesn’t know about my situation, or rather – my past situation with Ezra. I’ve been sitting and chatting with Bruno for so long that we seem to have lost track of time. The girls have also disappeared to who knows where.
It’s getting dark now and we’re looking way too comfortable with each other. At this point, we’ve spoken about anything and everything. I see what people see in him, he’s such a genuine soul to be around. I’m so caught up in the zone that I don’t sense a figure standing right behind where I’m seated. “Alex?” Is all I hear before turning around thinking my ears are playing tricks on me. He sounds so different. Partly because I’ve never heard him address me in public before. But also, he sounds so… broken. “Hey man what’s up?” Bruno greets him after a while. Ezra greets him back with a hug but his eyes stay on mine. Bruno notices but doesn’t say anything. I don’t look back at him because I didn’t realize how mad I was until now. I was sad before but now I feel aggravated. He cheated on me, how could he? “Hey I’m gonna go look for Liz.”
I say to Bruno already standing up to leave. I pray my voice came out calm and not shaky like the rest of me. Tears start raining down my face as I start running to get away. I can’t let anyone see me like this. I feel so betrayed. So heartbroken. I slow down when I feel I’m far enough but start running again when I hear him calling my name. I can sense him running toward me but I don’t stop even though I don’t stand a chance of getting away from him. He plays football for a living. He clearly wanted to hide me so he can be with someone else. That makes more sense. I can’t help but think how many more times has he cheated on me? How many more girls? He got caught on camera this time but what about the times he didn’t get caught? Or was I the side piece this whole time? Was I the one he was cheating with? His voice gets closer and soon he catches up to me to my utter frustration. He grabs me as I fight to get away but he’s stronger than me, he holds me tight in a hug so I don’t get away. I hit him on his chest repeatedly even though I know he’s not feeling the impact.
At this point I’m crying so bad I can feel my breath getting heavy. I then stop hitting him and he lets us fall down slowly. “Baby please.” He whispers to me with a break in his voice. We sit on the beach sand far away from everyone after we’d wrestled for what felt like hours. My head is against his chest and I’m surprised that I still have tears left. “Why?” I ask barely audible. The pain is unbearable. “I was drunk and stupid. It meant nothing, I promise.” I get up from his chest to see him tearing up too. I’ve never seen him cry before. “But why didn’t you call me? I waited for you! I didn’t care what the world was saying. I wanted to hear from you Ezra!” I’m getting frustrated. He holds my face to wipe the tears off. “Baby I was mad at myself. I AM mad at myself for what I did to you and I didn’t know how to explain it. I haven’t been sleeping for the past two days because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” It’s true. I can see the dark circles around his eyes.
He looks exhausted. “I love you! I love you so much and I’m so sorry but I can’t lose you.” He says staring into my blues, with tears in his grays. I’ve never in my life thought I’d ever get cheated on. I’ve always judged my friends when they’d get back with the guys who’d cheated on them because I didn’t understand how they could trust that person again. To me cheating was unacceptable. I’d always thought if a guy ever cheated on me, then it’s goodbye forever. But as I sit on the sand looking into his sad and now red eyes, I can’t imagine myself not forgiving him. My heart melts when I see him cry because I know he’s hurting too. “I’m sorry my love.” He whispers against my lips before pecking them. I don’t fight him, I instead put my legs around his hips and melt into the warmth of his soft lips. Everything we’ve ever done has always been in private. He comes to my house or I go to his. We never walk in public and we’ve certainly never pecked in public.
So for the first time ever, we don’t care that someone might be looking at us or taking pictures. In that moment, nothing matters but the two of us. It’s like the world and its many complications don’t exist. That’s what pecking him always feels like. We then lay our backs on the dirty sand just staring up at the sky in a comfortable silence. He’s holding onto my hand really tight, like if he let go I’ll disappear. I then squeeze his hand in a reassuring tightness as we lay there for what feels like forever. “Let’s go home.” He says to me and we stand up to walk back to where everyone is because that’s where he parked. He’s still holding on to my hand but I know he’s going to let go once we get closer. He stays behind me for a few minutes letting me go further so people don’t think we disappeared together. I look for Liz when I get there to tell her I’m uberring home but she’s still nowhere to be found so I tell my other friends to tell her for me then I say goodbye to them.
I then go to the parking lot with no clue what car he came with today until I see a lime green colored Ferrari I’d never seen before. I know it’s him. He likes to stand out. The door automatically opens when I get closer to it and I see him inside with a smile on his face. I’m still just wearing a bikini so he puts his jacket on my shoulders when I get in the car. He then starts it and we’re soon off. I know he got a new place a few weeks ago but I hadn’t been able to see it because his friends are always there. He says that they always just randomly show up, so the past couple of weeks he’d been coming to my house and we’d been hanging out there. I’d honestly been hurt that almost everyone we know had seen the house but me, his girlfriend.
Even my friends have been to the mansion. I’ve heard all about the wild parties that have taken place there. I can’t help but think more about that as he pulls over the driveway and opens the car doors for us to get out. If he’d really wanted to, he could’ve let it happen. He could’ve had me see it when he’d gotten it, before everyone else even knew where it was. I’m annoyed at myself for even thinking about this. “Are you ok?” He asks clearly sensing my uneasiness.