Bad Love An Alpha’s Regret Novel – As Alpha, he married me only because he had to. But I went ahead and fell in love with him. What’s worse, I have only six months to live. I don’t want to die. And I don’t want to fight. But he won’t let me go. “Didn’t your family come with you, Ms. Markham?” I frown. I’m just getting a routine physical and some bloodwork. Why would I need someone to accompany me? What’s more, family, what family do I have? My mother died during the last pack war.
My dad, in a bid for peace, pledged me to Alpha Aaron when I was thirteen. I left everything and everyone I knew and grew up in Aaron’s mansion. Aaron was tolerant of me as a kid. He was even kind. I resented him for tearing my family apart, but as I grew older, I came to love him. I love him as a female loves a man. On my eighteenth birthday, we were married. What should’ve been the greatest day of my life marked the start of years of disappointment. Aaron never wanted to marry me. He only ever saw me as his enemy.
My wolf never manifested–and that might be the greatest travesty of all, because what good is a wolf who doesn’t have one? I’ve been groomed and raised to be a luna. As Aaron’s wife, that’s what I should be. But who would ever follow me? A lowly human. I won’t give up hope though. My father is an Alpha. My mom came from a long, powerful line of wolves.
Their pack ruled the southern region for centuries. I have to believe that my wolf will surface. Someday. Just like I have to believe that Aaron will one day love me. It’s why I’m here. At a pack-sanctioned physician, but one outside of Aaron’s packlands. I’m getting a second opinion. Because I want to have a baby. And though Aaron claims me… without a wolf, he will never mate me. If I’m pregnant though, that will change everything.
“Doctor,” I say as he stares at me. “I didn’t know I needed to bring anyone. I’m just here for a checkup.” I’m not quite sure what his expression is. Uncomfortable maybe? It’s a small community of shifters in these parts, maybe he’s worried Aaron will be angry that he’s treating me. “I realize that I’m a bit slow to shift. And I’ve done the research, there are examples of ‘late bloomers’ so to speak. There is still a chance–” Doctor Henley frowns. He slides a stack of papers across the desk to me. “These are the results of your lab tests.”
I flip through the file, but I’m not sure what I’m seeing. I’ve been dizzy lately, and a little nauseous. My heart beat doubles. Joy spreads through me and my eyes fill with tears. “Did it happen? Am I pregnant?” I can imagine a little boy with Aaron’s dark eyes. A little girl with his perfect smile. “Uh, no.” He tugs the collar of his shirt. “Oh.” I’m disappointed, but not entirely surprised. Wolves only enter an estrus cycle once per year. And for that one week, Aaron avoids me like the plague. “Luna Leah,” he says softly, and I’m touched that he honors me with the title. No one in Aaron’s pack does.
“You … have cancer.” I hear the words but they don’t really compute. I’m twenty-three. Too young for a serious disease. And as a wolf… I wouldn’t get sick. I’d be able to regenerate. “Perhaps this is why your wolf has never surfaced,” he says quietly. “W-what?” “The cancer. You have an aggressive form of liver cancer. It likely metastasized from a different region. You’re in the advanced stages now…” I swear it’s like I’m hearing his words from someone else’s body. This can’t possibly be happening. I lean forward.
“Is this some kind of joke?” I’ve lived among Aaron’s pack for a decade and I’m still an outsider. They think nothing of pranking me or making my life harder. He closes the file and comes around the desk to sit in the chair adjacent to mine. He leans forward and clasps my hands. “This isn’t a joke. I’m sorry.” There’s a clock on the wall somewhere in this office, and the loud, tick, tick, ticking makes me want to scream. I’m literally hearing the seconds of my life pass away … The doctor releases my hands. He looks uncomfortable again. His dark eyes flit around the room, landing anywhere but on mine. “Are you still paying the blood debt?” he asks. I flush.
Even though it’s common knowledge that I was pledged to Alpha Aaron, it’s still kind of embarrassing to literally be bled as a form of reparation for his pack’s grievances. “Yes.” I nod. “How frequently?” “Once a month. Aaron’s physician draws my blood.” “Those offerings need to stop. You can’t afford to weaken your body further.” My head is spinning. Cancer. Dying. Blood. ”Surely, there is something we can do, right?” “Leah, we deal in pack health here. Largely, that entails patching up wounds and delivering babies. For the most part, wolves are incredibly healthy. We don’t succumb to things like cancer. You’ll need to seek treatments outside of this facility. And you’ll need to do it quickly.” It’s raining.
I’d taken an Uber into the city to see Dr. Henley and I walked all the way back to the city limits. “Miss, do you need a ride?” It’s an elderly couple. They pulled to the side of the road in their Chevy Malibu. They look concerned. I’m concerned. But what difference does a bit of rain make? There’re woods in every direction and our packlands are another thirty miles away. “We can drive you somewhere, dear,” the woman says. Her dark skin is clear although the cloudiness in her pupils from cataracts makes me think she’s older than she appears. Any other day, I’d question a stranger offering me a ride. I squint, thinking they don’t look like serial killers. Even if they are… not much point in worrying about that now, is it? A second car pulls up. It’s a big SUV.
I recognize the license plate. “You’re both very kind,” I tell them. “It’s okay. My friend is here.” “Friend” is a word I’d use lightly. James is Aaron’s beta. He’s a big, brooding wolf who doesn’t particularly like me. That’s probably because Aaron was supposed to marry his sister, Jessica. I’m pretty sure Aaron is still in love with her. That he would already be mated to her if he wasn’t stuck with me. They’re together all the time. She dotes on him constantly. Jessica is demure and sweet, always trying to please him. She’s obedient and submissive and all the things I’m not. And she’s awful to me. I get into the car and James starts driving.
He doesn’t ask where I’ve been. Or what I was doing. I know it’s not because he’s respecting my position as luna, or because he’s respecting my privacy…it’s because he doesn’t give a s. In the past, when we were stuck together, I’d prattle on and ask questions, forcing him to converse with me because I knew he didn’t want to. Today, I turn up the heat because I’m drenched and freezing. I stare out the window and don’t say a word. Not even when he keeps glancing at me. “Dr. Henley, is it curable…if I’m hospitalized?” I’d asked. “There are treatments that might buy you a few extra months…” A few extra months. What does that even mean? Ninety days. A hundred, maybe? I can remember wishing for the years to fly by, so I could marry Aaron and make him love me. Wishing for my eighteenth birthday to come so my wolf would finally, suddenly speak to me.
I’ve spent–no, wasted–a lot of time on things that will never be. And now my days are numbered. Tears stream down my face. In my reflection in the window, they just blend with the raindrops splattering the glass. I’m going to die. There is no hope for me. Upon returning to the packlands, we veer off the main highway onto a long stretch of private road that’s maintained and patrolled by Aaron’s guards. They pause the SUV at the gate only to wave James through. The security is intended to keep humans out. And to keep me in. Because I’m a means to an end. A bargaining chip. His bit of leverage. As much as he detests me, he can’t ‘get rid of me.’
I swipe more tears as James whips the car around the long circular drive of the mansion. He looks at me questioningly again, like he wants to ask something. But he doesn’t. I’ve long thought myself immune to disappointment because I know he doesn’t care about me, but this man’s indifference… when I’ve known him for nearly half my life… It hurts. I get out of the car and stare up at the massive house. It’s four stories of stone with a tiled roof. A massive, glamorous estate that I’d thought so beautiful the first time I saw it. “What is wrong with your phone, Leah?” It’s Aaron. He storms outside and down the stairs. He grabs my arm and drags me up and into the foyer. I wrench my arm and break free of his grasp. His eyes flash gold, dangerously. “I asked you a question,” he growls. I fish my phone out of my back pocket and hold it up. “My phone is right here. The battery died.”
I purposely let it die, so he couldn’t track me. But that’s a different story. He stalks toward me and my feet back up instinctively. This Alpha is too big. Too strong. Too merciless when he wants to be. “Where did you go?” A day ago, I would’ve cowered beneath his rage. But now… “What does it matter?” I ask quietly. He straightens like I’ve slapped him. Aaron has come to know my many moods–stubborn, argumentative, quiet–but this defeated tone isn’t typical for me. I’ve had to fight. For everything here. Few people here have shown me kindness. Well, that’s not entirely true. When I was a scared, lonely kid, Aaron had taken pity on me. I still don’t know why or when everything changed. “Answer the question, Leah.” He’s backed me into his study.
He has a main office on the other side of the mansion that is his formal office with conference tables, computer bays and desks for the other packmates that assist him. But more often than not, he works from here. Sitting in a chair beside the window or the fireplace, depending on the time of year. I spend most of my time here too. I eye up all the many rows and rows of books on the floor to ceiling shelves. Books I’ll never get the time to read. I sniffle. Again, Aaron looks shocked. I refuse to cry for this man. For any of them. As a terrified, broken, thirteen-year-old girl taken into this enemy land, I did not cry. I am Leah Arboreaux, and I honor my family and my pack with my strength. But even that pride… what does it matter, really? “Answer the question, Leah!”
How many days and nights have we quietly been in this room? Me reading, him working on something. Everything with this male speaks of extremes. Peace and quiet. Yelling and fighting. Being ignored–or ravished. He crowds me until my back is against the wall. His hands slam on either side of my head, caging me in. I crane my head back to hold his gaze. His scent wraps around me–rich and subtle and all but beckoning me closer because for whatever reason this man smells irresistible to me. He growls and comes closer. His chest against mine. His hips rolling into me. I suck in a breath. This is our dance, I realize. I fight or flee. He chases and claims me. Already his eyes are warming, his body giving off heat and desire, his hard length pressing. It’d be so easy.
To go up on my toes, seek out his mouth, and let him take me under as he’s done a thousand times before. Because this man might hate me… but he still wants me. His shoulders are so wide they block out the rest of the room. His hair is dark and a little long on top. I know exactly how those strands feel against my skin. He leans down to bite a sensitive spot on my neck. I tremble. He growls approvingly. His mouth scourges a path from my throat to my ear. His other hand grips my hair and jerks my head back. “You still didn’t answer me.” His wolf is at the surface and his emotions are every bit as wild as the beast inside him. More extremes, I realize… Passion and rage. Pleasure and pain. Hate and love. Well, not love. At least not for him.
“What will you do, Aaron?” I keep my gaze level on his. “Against this wall?” His glaze flickers for a moment as if he’s eyeing the bookshelf for how sturdy it will be. “Torture me until you get what you want?” I shake my head even as it pulls strands of my hair out because he still has one hand twisted mercilessly in my hair. “I’m done. I won’t live like this. I won’t love you anymore.” He jerks back. His huge arms flex at his sides, muscles rippling up to his shoulders. He isn’t just angry. He’s furious. Jessica takes this moment to enter the study.
She acts like she’s busy cleaning. And, swear to god, she even has a feather duster in hand and a short skirt on. I roll my eyes. “What is this, your French Maid fantasy?” I glance at Aaron. Normally, I can bury the hurt in my eyes. The jealousy. But not today. “You want her, right? It’s always been your love for Jessica. So have her.” Her interruption and my tirade shock him speechless, and I take advantage of that, quickly shoving past him. She glares and huffs ‘wh*re’ as I rush out of the study. “Don’t you walk away from me!” Aaron roars.