Bared to You Novel – My husband, Gage said he is barely able to tolerate me. He is busy with women who know how to have intercourse. “She thought we connected when I drilled her. It was laughable.I hope she wouldn’t talk so I could pretend she was you. She’s got to be the most boring girl in existence – like a mouse, all meek and timid. She turns my stomach.”the vile words spewing from my husband’s drunken mouth. Then he smooched his ex-girlfriend,Livvy with burning passion, his hand gliding up her skirt. Pressing myself against the door outside the room they were speaking in, I flattened my hand to my mouth. They destroyed my life,so I decided a little revenge served cold was completely justified.
“– did what I had to, Galen. I got married.” “She’s a beautiful girl.” “I did what I had to,” my husband’s voice repeated in a low and irritated – and slightly slurred – tone I’d not heard directed at me yet. “Her looks don’t really matter to me one way or the other.” “You chose well,” his brother assured him, almost soothingly as if he expected Gage to explode at any moment. “It didn’t matter who I chose. I had to find someone young and desperate enough not to question being rushed into marriage, naïve enough not to doubt the fairytale mirage, and alone enough not to have any money-grubbing relatives.” “Well, maybe, in time, you’ll start to have feelings for her –” “That’s not going to happen. All my feelings died with Olivia. I’m barely able to tolerate this girl, but I don’t plan on being around much so it doesn’t really matter. I’ll be busy with the company and with women who know how to fu-ck.” “Gage, if she finds out you married her to maintain control of the company, she could annul your a-ss and then –” “No annulment, brother. I drilled her on our wedding night.
We’re well and truly married. Cheers to me for taking one for the team. I saved the family business and all of you can continue to live your lives in luxury.” “You can’t just ignore her. She’s your wife!” “She’s not my wife,” he snarled at his brother. “Livvy’s the only wife I’ll ever have. Sadie’s just some girl I’m married to for the next two years until I can divorce her.” “She’s a nice girl –” “She thought we connected when I drilled her. It was laughable. She was holding on for dear life and I had my eyes shut, hoping she wouldn’t talk so I could pretend she was Livvy. She’s got to be the most boring girl in existence – like a mouse, all meek and timid.
She turns my stomach.” Pressing myself against the door outside the room they were speaking in, I flattened my hand to my mouth, willing myself not to throw up at the vile words spewing from my new husband’s drunken mouth, if the slurring was any indication. Hot tears cascaded from my eyes and down my cheeks as the beautiful life I’d envisioned shattered, revealing a horribly stark future of bleakness. I hadn’t found love. Love that, as a foster child, I’d been desperate for. Too desperate, as he’d said. I’d believed him, with everything in me, never questioning why a man of his wealth and looks and intelligence would be interested in someone eight years younger. He’d seemed so sincere, so loving, so interested in me. His gentle tenderness never failed to melt me and tie my heart to his with tighter and tighter strings. It’d been a whirlwind romance, and even though it was fast, I’d never once questioned it. I could hear them still talking but my protective instincts kicked in.
I needed a plan, and I needed one right now. Once I felt I had control of my body, I quietly made my way up to our…his…bedroom and pulled out my suitcases. Just two. I was taking only my clothes that I’d had prior to our marriage. Thankfully, I hadn’t started knocking items off my to-do list yet, number one item being to decline the resident assistant position I’d accepted to pay for my housing while completing my second, and final year, of graduate studies. I already was a graduate assistant, so that covered tuition and a small stipend. Since I’d be living on campus, I wouldn’t need a car, and the small weekly stipend I received would cover necessities. Until the dorms opened for RAs in two weeks before school began, I could couch surf with friends, a night or two with each of them. My packing went quickly, given that I was going more for speed than finesse.
I called Whitney, best friend extraordinaire and fellow graduate student, and asked her to come pick me up from the mansion. With only the briefest of hesitations, she agreed without asking any questions even though she could tell from my voice something was terribly wrong. While I waited, I called the guard to let him know to let her through. – I didn’t know what to make of her. Never had she shown fire and spirit like she’d shown me just now. When we’d been dating, she’d been nothing but sweet and mild. The first hint I had of her fire was the good-bye note she left me, but even that didn’t come close to what she’d just displayed. No woman, not even my Olivia, had ever stood up to me like that, interrupting me before I could complete my sentences, slamming a door in my face, or refusing me something I’d pushed for.
After that, at 5 pm every day, a report on Sadie’s activities for the past 24 hours hit my inbox. I’d discovered she was going to be an RA, so I’d maneuvered it so all the residents on her floor, under her charge, were women. Any male seen in her presence was vetted, and if he wasn’t gay, he was encouraged to leave her severely alone. Whenever her lights went out in her dorm room, I received a text saying she was in for the night. After that first confrontation, I’d tried to give her a car, but she’d refused, walking past my PA with her little nose in the air, all five feet two inches of her spitting and hissing like a riled-up kitten. I had to rotate fifteen men and women on her at all times to keep her from spotting her guards. Her penchant for public transportation or Ubers kept the team on their toes. Strangely, I began to look forward to these reports every day, enjoying the details.
Through those reports, she began to take shape and form as a human being, a real entity with thoughts and feelings, and not just some duty I felt responsible for simply because she bore my name. (Although, she never changed her name legally following our wedding, so she was still using her maiden name.) Sadie did something nice, every single day without fail, for other people. Despite her very limited funds, she paid for people’s drinks, always stopped to give the homeless money or whatever food and drinks she had with her. She walked with the girls on her floor when they had problems and talked them over. She tutored the undergrad students she was responsible for and worked with them until they understood.
The campus security officer who watched her dorm all night was paid for by me, and I wouldn’t admit to the relief I felt every night when she came home by herself. The dorm room across from hers also had a hidden camera in the wreath on the door that showed me if anyone went into her room who shouldn’t and I had someone watch the camera feed 24/7. Essentially, I spent the ten months after she left me stalking out of my tiny little responsibility. – Ten months later… Since all of my friends are pretty much graduating with me, I try to keep my mind off the fact that there is absolutely no one in the stands to cheer me on. I’d pictured this day after Gage proposed to me; he’d be watching and taking pictures, cheering proudly when my name was called, sweeping me into an ah-mazing smooch when he found me following the ceremony.
We’d go out to celebrate for dinner, and then he’d take me home to celebrate more intimately. A few days after Gage had proposed and I accepted, we’d been watching a movie in which there was a graduation and it hit me. My body jolted at the happy thought. “What is it, sweet?” “I just realized I’ll have somebody in the stands just for me for the first time ever when I graduate.” Something flashed in his eyes, but I couldn’t decipher it since he quickly pulled me in close. He’d smooched the top of my head and we returned to watching the movie. It only now dawned on me that he never said he’d be there. He knew that he wouldn’t be in my life once he married me. I was a means to an end that would be summarily dismissed once he’d achieved his objective. Shaking off the melancholy thought, I focused on the five other women around me, all clad in the same black masters caps and gowns. Throughout our undergrad and graduate years, I’d become close with these five girls, so we’d spent the last hour before crossing the stage taking pictures and laughing.
Underlying our fun was the sadness that we were all scattering for our clinical fellowships. SLPs graduate with a masters but are still required to do a clinical fellowship year practicing under a certified SLP. I’d managed to secure a fellowship at Ladies of Mercy, one of Austin’s teaching hospitals, where I wanted to specialize in swallowing, specifically with preemies. I’d been astounded when they’d accepted me; positions like that are highly competitive, and although I was top of my class, I didn’t yet have much experience with the NICU. I’d found a room for rent two blocks from the hospital so I wouldn’t need a car right away until I saved some money for a beater, which would help me save money. The fact that it was three hours away from school was an added bonus — I’d be out of Gage’s reach and away from the ever-present spies.
We got the call to line up and we did a quick group hug. “See you on the other side!” Keera laughed. “Tonight, we go out and celebrate our hard work!” Whitney pumped her fist. “It just doesn’t seem real,” I said. “No more classes.” “Right?” Sara Jo nudged me. “Like, what will we do with our time?” And then we walked into the auditorium, listened to speeches, and crossed the stage when our names were called. All of us cheered for the others, but my heart still pinged that, unlike my five friends, I had no one in the audience there for me. We gathered for photos after the ceremony ended, and I gladly took photos of the girls with their families, ignoring the sadness that tried to strike since, as with my previous graduations, no one was in the audience for me. I was currently taking the last pictures of Whitney and her two brothers and parents when I noticed their attention suddenly focused on me. Or, more accurately, someone right behind me.
Whitney’s eyes were large and I was shocked when I glanced over my shoulder and Gage was standing there. “Congratulations, Sadie,” he said quietly. My manners fled as my anger surged forward. “Why are you here?” I hissed at him. “You need to leave.” He seemed startled at my anger, as if the months apart would have mellowed me, would have drawn a veil over his actions toward me. Before he could answer, Whitney came to my rescue. “We need to get going, Sade, so we don’t miss our reservations.” Whitney’s family had asked me to dinner to celebrate before all of us girls got together one last time later tonight. I’d declined at first, not wanting to intrude on family time, but Whitney’s mom, Alexis, had called me and insisted. “Sadie, do you want to invite your friend to dinner? He’s welcome to join us.” Alexis, bless her heart, thought she was helping. Although she knew I was married and had a vague idea of the circumstances, she had no idea I was married to this jerk. I’m pretty sure she was just dazzled by his gorgeous face and thought I had a live one on the line.
“Oh, thanks, Alexis, but he can’t –” – “Possibly refuse such a kind invitation,” he interrupted me, his face smiling charmingly at Alexis. He even held out his hand to her and introduced himself as my husband, then repeated the process with Whitney’s father and brothers. Alexis popped one eyebrow at me and I knew she’d be cornering me at some point before she and her family left for their flight back home. Outside of my girlfriends, she was the only one who knew I was married. Whitney and I were having an entirely silent conversation with our eyes. Her mother hooked her hand in the crook of Gage’s arm and chattered away at him as we walked toward the parking lot. Whitney and I had Ubered here together since we planned to drive to the restaurant with her family and then Uber to the bar to meet the rest of our friends.
When we got to the parking lot, Alexis turned to me with a sweet as pie smile and said, “Now, sugar, you’re good to drive with that darling husband of yours? Unfortunately, there’s just no room in our car for you.” My eyes shot laser beams at her and her eyes twinkled at me. I happened to know that they’d rented a monstrous SUV with three rows of seats and there was more than enough room for me. “We’ll see you two at the restaurant in a few.” Having grown up with the woman, Whitney just shrugged helplessly at me and followed her family to their car. I was about to stalk away and just stand them up when Gage took my elbow in his hand. I shook his hand off and spun to face him. “What is this?” I demanded. “Why are you here?” “I wanted to see you today. It’s not every day you graduate with a master’s degree.” “Oh, cut the bu-llshit! Why are you here? Do you have divorce papers for me to sign? If so, I’d be happy to. If not, you need to get away from me.” Ignoring me, he pointed to a stretch limo a few yards away. “The car’s over here,” “Great! Get in and take off.”
He gently tugged me back to him. “Sadie, I wanted to be here for you today. Can you just let me celebrate with you for an hour or two?” “Why on earth would you think I want you anywhere near me, especially today? I mean nothing to you, my graduation means nothing to you, so why would you want to pretend?” “I’m not pretending, sweetheart. I want to celebrate with you – this is an amazing accomplishment.” I rolled my eyes at him. “First, stop with the fake endearments. My name’s Sadie; use that if you feel the need to address me. Second, I don’t believe that you want to celebrate with me out of the blue. Third, and most importantly, I have no desire to spend my special day with you – so you will drop me at the restaurant, and I’ll make excuses for you not being able to make it after all.” Gage considered me for a moment before shrugging. “OK, get in the car and I’ll drop you at the restaurant. At least let me do that.” Somehow, I found myself in the back of the limo with him, but I was sitting as far away from him as possible, not speaking I was so furious he crashed such an important day for me. “Tell me about your plans now that you’ve graduated.”
That stilled the roiling emotions inside me for a moment. He had no idea what I was doing next. Since I don’t know why he’s suddenly in touch with me, and I don’t trust him for a moment, I lied. “I’ll keep job hunting until I find something that works.” “I have contacts and connections. I can help you find a good position.” His assurance made me want to laugh. The man had absolutely no clue that I needed to complete a clinical fellowship for the next year before I’m a fully certified SLP. This also means he has no idea I’m going out of state in two days. If I could manage to give the slip to my security detail – he had no idea I’ve made every single one of the fifteen people he rotated around me – I could truly be free of him. When we got to the restaurant, I rushed inside and hugged Whitney, her mother, and her father. I whispered to each one not to mention anything about our clinical fellowships because I was scared of my husband finding out.
They all agreed, and we managed to enjoy a good time, with me basically ignoring my husband and focusing on Whitney and her family. And in between the chatter, I planned my escape. At the end of the evening, I drove away with Whitney to meet our friends, barely acknowledging Gage. After a good time in the bar, I spent the night at Whitney’s apartment. I spied my babysitter in front of the apartment complex, and slipped out the back exit. With the help from some other friends, one of whom does makeup for the theater, I was transformed into a skateboarding, tattooed and pierced girl with an attitude, boarding a bus for parts unknown. Several costume changes later, I reached my destination. Whereabouts unknown, at least, to my husband. “Sadie, who was that?” I froze in the act of opening my apartment door as a voice I hadn’t heard since my graduation four months ago growled right behind me. A voice I had hoped not to hear again until the day we signed our divorce papers. A voice I still heard in my head saying horrible things about me that had crushed my heart and my soul in a million different ways. A voice that shouldn’t be here because he didn’t know where I was.