Break Novel – Marie Two solid pink lines. My hand is shaking, causing the white stick in my hand to seem a little fuzzy maybe I’m not looking at it correctly. One… Two… Why are they so freaking dark and solid? Smack my hip and just call me Juno… my eggo is prego. Do I shake it like she did? I literally just stood up, flushed the toilet… washed my hands… doesn’t it take five minutes for the results to show up? I’m a PA, I know how these work… Given we don’t use them in my field. But still… I’m a woman. I’ve used these plenty of times over the years… Never have I ever had a positive result before though. I drop to my knees and search through the small trash bin for the box. I pull out the instructions and read them over and over. Two lines means pregnant. Yep. Great. I place my hand over my mouth and try not to scream.
The girls are still getting ready for school. If I start to scream my head off like I want to, they will definitely be running in here like their hips are on fire to figure out what is going on. ‘Sorry girls, your brother knocked me up. Just freaking out over here.’ I’m the calm one… The one that’s always collected. Steady. Fun at parties… Not today, Satan… not today. I stand up and run my fingers through my frizzy, thick hair and close my eyes. Leaning down on the counter tops, pressing the cool countertop into my pelvis, I smack my forehead on the mirror and shake my head slowly, feeling the cold glass against my skin. Please let this be a dream… or a nightmare. Please. I sigh as I jostle all of the mess back into the white box, shoving it all under the sink so that James can’t see any of it. Not that he ever comes into my bathroom, but still.
Better safe than sorry. And I’ll definitely be sorry. So will he. He’s been my best friend since we were toddlers. We’ve been attached at the hip since before we could even walk… I was there when the twins were born. I was there when he got the call that his parents were in an accident and didn’t survive… I was there when he got the call that he got the scholarship and when the college begged for him to play hockey… on the other side of the continent. From California to Minnesota. We’ve been each other’s rocks. I stepped up, changed my own plans, and moved in with him to take care of Alyssa and Caroline so that he could focus on hockey and his degree. What else was I supposed to do? Watch his dreams crumble? Nothing was waiting for me back home. My parents hate me, each other, and themselves… my only friend was James.
It was a no-brainer. Of course, the man he is… in turn, took care of me. Pushed me to follow my own dreams. Meanwhile, my parents are more concerned about the trust fund that Grandpa Bernard left for me, since they think they’re entitled to the money he busted his hip for. I don’t even get a penny until I turn thirty… four years from now. My parents blew through all of theirs within a couple of years. We’re talking millions. They went from living the high life. Clubs, yachts, penthouses and mansions… to snorting coke on the rusted and peeling counter tops in a trailer park. Begging for money and spending what they con from others on beer and cocaine. That same trailer park is where I met James.
All these years later… The twins are sixteen, James is in the NHL, the captain of the Minnesota Mavericks… One of the highest scoring right wingers this season to date. Oh my god… what have we done? He’s been adamant for as long as I could remember that he never wanted kids… he’s raised the twins since they were essentially born, we were ten years old and had to learn how to make bottles, how to change diapers… what solids to feed them when they were around six months old… raising them full-time since their parents wrecked their junker of a car into a power line and then flipped into a ditch. He doesn’t want to end up like our parents. Our parents weren’t the best role models.
Period. We both grew up in poverty… I worked two jobs from I was thirteen until James forced me to quit so that I could focus on my studies… We moved to Minnesota merely weeks after he got the scholarship offer, and I went to the local community college until I transferred two years later for my bachelors in microbiology at the university he played at… He didn’t even get to graduate before he was drafted. Thank goodness we were able to stay local and not have to move anywhere else while I was finishing up my degree. I would have made it work though, we always do. Except for this… anything but this. Most of my classes were online so that I could focus on the girls… Between James’s schedule, dates, and being with the team… I stepped up. Like always. Alyssa and Caroline are old enough to be home alone for a few hours now… I need to get out of here… eight years I’ve I moved in with James and the girls… Eight years of mooning after him, begging him to see me as more than a best friend… a sister. A nanny. Well… Begging him in my own mind. Never verbally.
He didn’t even bat an eye when his teammates have asked me out over the years. I’ve dates a few of them… Three to be exact. Logan, Landon, and Nolan. We’re all just best friends now… But that’s when I knew that he never saw me as an attractive woman, or someone he would date. He would just clap his friends on the back and tell them to treat me right or he would kick their hips. Not that we were ever in serious relationships. Mostly having fun… okay, mostly intercourse. “Marie! Come see me after Mr. Parker’s appointment tonight.” Dr. Patterson calls out from his office and I freeze in the hall. “Sure.” I croak back and step into my office. Does he know something’s wrong with me already? I barely said two words to my boss today. That man must have a sixth sense. I’m running on fumes today… I pull up the files for the rest of the day and furrow my brows when I see the emails from Dr. Patterson about moving me to the rink with him during home games… traveling during away games… What? What happened to Annika? She’s the one that focused on the team… I’m happy here in the clinic.
Sure, the majority of our patients are from the team. But we still see normal guys, along with the local NFL team, the college athletes. Cheerleaders. With a smaller practice, he can’t really open up outside of that, and he’s been cutting back on ‘normal’ people. I grab my tablet and see that James has an appointment today. My stomach drops when I find he’s on my list of patients… Dr. Patterson is too overbooked for me to switch anything around. There’s no way I can look at him in the eyes any time soon. Why today of all days? He couldn’t wait to come in next year? Ever since that night a few weeks ago at Logan and Bianca’s engagement party, I just assumed he was ignoring the night we had together, too afraid to change our… relationship, or lack thereof.
But I have an inkling he doesn’t remember… How do I even bring that up to him? ‘Hey, remember when we were wasted and drank too much in the hotel bar… when you tossed me around your room like a rag doll and screwed me until I felt like I was ascending into goddesshood? Well… Good job knocking me up while on birth control. Congratulations, daddy.’ Time flies as I try to put everything out of my mind. The pregnancy, James… now being moved to the rink. I don’t think I can even skate while pregnant. Or maybe I’m just making up excuses… I’ve been skating as long as long as James has. We learned together, after all. “Marie, Mr. Carter is ready for you in room three.” Patti winks at me as she skips out of my office. I see the flash of her black hair swinging behind her as she leaves me alone to deal with… on my own.
I groan and move away from my desk. I feel like my hip has a permanent imprint of the seams along my leather chair from charting so much today. Anything to keep me in the office and away from people. I pluck up my tablet and sign in, pulling up James’s chart and frowning when I see he’s here for another physical… Odd. They just did those a few months ago prior to the season starting. I knock on the door, staring down at the tablet as I walk in. I look up to see a woman standing with James that I’ve never seen before. “M! This is Alex, my girlfriend.” He winks at her and wraps his arm around her slim shoulders, leaning down to peck her cheek. I just stand there, blinking at them in confusion. Even tilting my head like an owl… or a dog. Girlfriend? “We reconnected a few months ago and she finally agreed to date me.” I shake my head as I check out the woman.
Long, thick auburn hair, she’s about my height and build, but has glittering green eyes, lightly tanned skin, and dresses like she has one of James’s black cards in her wallet. I wouldn’t be surprised if she does. I clear my throat and step forward to offer her my hand. “Hi there, I’m Marie, nice to meet you.” She nods and looks at James with a pout. “Can we get the tests done now? I’m hungry.” She flutters her long, thick eyelashes at him and sits on the exam table before pulling out her phone and scrolling. And tapping. And scrolling some more. How old is this creature? She looks like she barely just turned eighteen. Cute. James licks his lips and winks at me. “I’m here for another set of STD tests. She’s allergic to latex and doesn’t want to… you know… without knowing I’m clean.” I just nod and tamp down the tears that are threatening to spill. I feel my face draining of color and I pray that he doesn’t look at me. Why did he have to come here? See me? On today of all days. So, not only is James unavailable now, he’s about to be having unprotected intercourse with this… woman. That I had no idea about.