I Saved Him From the Fire and He Wishes I Had Died Novel – While checking the time on my boyfriend Grayson Clarke’s phone, a notification suddenly popped up from a Q&A forum where he had previously answered a question: [What’s your biggest regret?] I clicked on it, and the most popular answer was from Grayson: [My biggest regret is that three years ago, during a fire, I let my girlfriend save me…] The responses below were full of sympathy and comfort, until a few hours ago when he updated his answer: [Now, every day when I see her burnt and scarred body, I just want to throw up.
I have to endure her occasional outbursts. It would have been better if she had died in that fire.] [You’re a monster. How could you even think that? Your girlfriend saved your life!] [How could you be so heartless and ungrateful? Maybe she shouldn’t have saved you, you should’ve burned instead.] Grayson: [You have no idea what it’s like. The pressure is too much. I work three jobs just to afford her surgeries. I’m exhausted.] Grayson: [My mother set me up on a blind date. I think I’ll go meet her.] I froze, my finger halting on the screen. A tear quietly fell onto the screen. Grayson never knew that I’d always hated what I’d become.
The only reason I held on this long was that I didn’t want him to suffer. But only today did I realize… he wanted to be free of me, too. I quietly put away today’s medication. “Grayson… if that’s how it is, I’ll give you your freedom.” *** Three years ago, after rushing into the fire to save Grayson, I was left with 50% burns on my body. I developed severe PTSD and had to rely on medication just to stabilize my condition. Grayson stayed by my side, always telling me, “Ellie, I’ll always be here for you. Don’t be afraid.” I once believed those words with all my heart, but now I know the truth—he had already had enough of me. It wasn’t just him.
I had long grown tired of myself, too. Ten pills at once would be enough to end it. I quietly kept today’s dose. Soon, I would have enough. But without those pills, I couldn’t sleep at all. That night, I was once again awakened by a nightmare. I saw my terrifying reflection in the mirror and screamed. Grayson was jolted awake by my shrieking. In a sudden rage, he smashed the mirror. The loud crash terrified me even more, and I scrambled away in panic. He gripped my shoulder tightly, his eyes bloodshot, “Enough! Are you trying to kill me?! If life is going to be like this, I wish you hadn’t saved me back then!” I froze in place, staring at him. He looked as if he had aged twenty years. He crouched down, mechanically picking up the shards of glass. I reached out to help, but he shoved me away, “Stay back!” I stumbled, falling to the floor, my hand pressing into the glass, blood oozing from the cut.
The sight of the red made me scream uncontrollably again. Grayson didn’t pull me into his arms like he used to, whispering comfort into my ear. He simply stared at me coldly. It wasn’t until I calmed down on my own that he numbly dragged me to the sink and started washing my hands. His grip held me still as he removed the sharp shards, his fingers turning pale, then stained red with my blood. Feeling my trembling body, he pulled me into a tight embrace. “I’m sorry, Ellie. I’m just… so tired.” The alarm went off at 5 AM, and he let go of me, heading into the kitchen. Ever since my injury, this routine seemed to have become muscle memory for him. I gazed longingly at his figure, reluctance tightening in my chest. “Just ten more days,” I told myself. “Grayson.
Just ten.” His mother walked into the room and saw her son busy in the kitchen. She sighed, “How long are you going to live like this? Look at how much weight you’ve lost! It breaks my heart to see you like this.” “Do you really intend to waste your whole life on her? You won’t even go on the blind dates I set up for you?” “Mom, stop… I owe her. I should take care of her for the rest of my life.” But his mother cut him off, tears welling in her eyes. She rushed into the bedroom and begged me, “Ellie, please. As an old woman, I beg you, just let Grayson go.” I jumped in shock, shrinking back at the edge of the bed, unable to look her in the eye. She moved closer, holding my hand. When her gaze landed on my burn marks, a flicker of disgust flashed across her face.
She spoke with tears in her eyes, “Ellie, you’re a good girl. I’m willing to do anything to repay what you’ve done for our family. But Grayson is our only son. I can’t bear the thought of him having no future.” During the fire, I shielded Grayson with my body, taking the full impact of a falling cabinet. I lost our two-month-old baby I was carrying and can never be a mother again. When Grayson took his mother outside, I still kept my head down. Since my injury, I could never face anyone. The sympathy or disdain in their eyes always terrified me. When he came back, he held my hand and crouched down to look at me, “Ellie, my mom is just worried about me. Please don’t take it to heart.” “We’re the ones who will be together forever.” I clenched my fists and silently nodded.
I saw him sigh in relief, but my heart ached with pain. “Grayson,” I thought, a dull pain spreading through my chest. “If my being alive is your greatest regret, then everything I’ve held on to has been in vain. And we were never meant to have a lifetime together.”