More Than A Feeling Novel – The way my boyfriend takes care of his pregnant sister-in-law is by banging her in our bed. “It’s casual between us. Trust me, you need me; I’m here for you,” My boyfriend Callum said as I stood outside his sister-in-law’s bedroom. Sabine was crying. “But…she’s living with you, Call.” “It’s temporary.” My heart clenched. He had never told me he loved me, but I assumed he did. I stepped into the doorway and saw Sabine in his arms. Callum had been taking care of his brother’s widow. I didn’t expect he would betray me. He is my love, my heart, my man. But he wasn’t mine.
Fleur “I t’s casual between us. Trust me, you need me; I’m here for you,” Callum said as I stood outside Sabine’s bedroom. Sabine was crying. “But…she’s living with you, Call.” “It’s temporary.” My heart clenched. “I love seeing you here with me, Grian. Love seeing your things mixed with mine.” He had started calling me Grian since that first night we had intercourse. When I asked him, he’d been surprised that he’d addressed me in Gaelic. Grian meant sunshine, and it warmed me all the way deep inside, where there had been nothing but cold. “You sure about this, Call?” I was nervous about moving in with my boyfriend of eight months. It felt right to me, but he could be so closed off at times that I’d been surprised when he asked me to live with him. It was the right next step. He had never told me he loved me, but I assumed he did.
I’d loved him since Sabine brought him home four years ago. He was her boyfriend’s older brother—and my little heart had gone and fallen for him. When he finally noticed me, and we began dating, it had been…magical. The magic show is over, Fleur, I thought, when Callum continued to break my heart. “You’re having intercourse with my sister,” Sabine accused. “It’s just intercourse, Sabine. I have a lot of it with many women.” He sounded so calm and patient when he spoke. “I can’t take it, Call. It hurts so much. I…have nothing.” I stepped into the doorway and saw Sabine in Callum’s arms. He was stroking her back, pecking her hair, and murmuring to her.
He heard me and looked up to see me. Regret flashed in his eyes, but he didn’t let go of Sabine. I held up his wallet. He’d forgotten it at the restaurant where we were celebrating my twenty-sixth birthday. I was worried about him driving without his license. I quietly set the wallet down on Sabine’s dresser and walked out of her house—my grandparents’ house, the home where I had happy memories. They’d promised it to me, but when Seamus, her husband and Callum’s brother died, Sabine had asked to stay where she felt safe. Naturally, my parents had asked me to move out. I understood. I really did. She and Seamus had been in love.
Their wedding had been the event of the year in New Orleans. She had been pregnant when he died in an accident. She lost the baby. Since then, Callum had been taking care of his brother’s widow. But it had been two years. When would it be my turn to be taken care of? How long would I have to live in Sabine’s shadow? I asked the Uber driver to take me to Callum’s house on Royal Street that I had moved into a week ago. Thankfully, most of my stuff was still in boxes. I hadn’t moved much, just clothes, books, and a few sentimental belongings. Callum’s large house was fully furnished. I called June, my friend who worked at Peychaud’s, a popular bar in the Quarter. “I need you, Titus, and his truck.” “You movin’ out?” “Yeah.” “We’ll be at Hotshot’s place in fifteen.” The thing with good friends was that you didn’t have to explain.
They knew. June had never said outright that dating Callum was a bad idea when he was running to take care of Sabine every time she broke a nail, but the heart wanted what it wanted. No problem with that now. My now broken heart just wanted a few Sazeracs. We were in the middle of loading up my things onto Titus’s truck when Callum came home. He cocked an eyebrow when he saw me hand my suitcase over to Titus. The big suitcase looked small in my friend’s hands. He was a big man who worked as a bouncer at the bar June worked at; the same one I used to work in to pay for school because if I was going to beg my parents to give me money. They’d been clear: law school or you get nothing. My acquiring a degree in computer science had been scoffed at. The joke was on them. Now, I was a lead programmer at one of the top security software companies in the world.
Since my company had several contracts from the Department of Defense, I had a high-security clearance and a good salary. Thankfully, I hadn’t yet submitted paperwork on my changing domicile and getting a partner. My apartment in the Marigny was still mine. I hadn’t told Callum, but I wouldn’t be giving it up because my “secure” office was there. To live-live with Callum, he and I would need to talk about my work, and he’d have to go through some kind of security clearance—and we’d have to outfit one of his guestrooms as my office. That was a major commitment for me. I was wise to be cautious. Less than a week after moving in with Callum, I was already heading back to my own place. “You didn’t think we deserved a conversation before you did this?” Callum asked pointedly. It tore at me that he didn’t look upset. No, he looked like he was expecting this.
He even looked relieved. He was in a pair of linen pants and a shirt. He was usually in a suit and tie, appropriate for the man who ran one of the largest sports investment companies in the country. Seamus and Callum made quite a pair when they were both in their power suits. But Seamus had been the less serious brother—more playful, easy, casual. Maybe that’s why he and I had become friends so easily. I smiled tightly at Callum and nodded at June and Titus, who were waiting for me. “After your conversation with Sabine, do you think we need to?” I was going to miss this man. I was going to miss making love with him. I was going to miss eating breakfast with him. I was going to miss talking with him. Laughing with him. “I think so.” “Okay. Talk,” I challenged him. “I was comforting her. It’s hard for her to lose me.” I folded my arms to protect myself.
“Lose you?” “She’s family, Fleur. She’s Seamus’s wife. She’s—” “Priority,” I nodded. “I get it. You’ve told me that several times. But when you asked me to move in, I thought we were more than just two people fuckin’, Callum.” “We are.” He leaned against his doorway. His stance was easy, but his eyes were hard, angry. “I heard what you said to her. You said my moving in was temporary.” He shrugged. “So?” “So, that’s not what you told me when you asked me to move in, Callum. You spent a month convincing me to.” “Maybe we rushed into the living together part,” he conceded, and my blood ran cold. I never meant a lot to him. That was clear. “Well, then, it’s a good thing I’m all moved out.” I waved a hand at his place. I was on the iron lace porch while he stood in his doorway, larger than life. My love, my heart, my man.
But he wasn’t mine. He never had been. I’d been living in a fool’s paradise. “Maybe.” He straightened. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” “Why?” He looked confused. “Fleur, you’re moving out, I get that, but that doesn’t mean we’re breaking up.” He sounded so sure of himself, so confident, that I burst out laughing. It wasn’t a happy sound. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You told my sister I was just intercourse.” “I said that because she was feeling bad.” “And what about my feelings?” “No one told you to eavesdrop,” he retorted pleasantly. “You did that to yourself. You didn’t have to bring my wallet over. You did that because you wanted to interfere in my relationship with Sabine, disrupt it. You were, as always, being selfish when it comes to Sabine.”
June took a few steps to get up on the porch to stand next to me. “Say what?” I placed a hand on her shoulder to keep her from going off half-cocked at Callum. “This is between my girlfriend and me.” Callum didn’t look fazed by her at all. I hated how unaffected he was. “Ex-girlfriend,” Titus cut in from where he stood at the gate. “She’s your ex now. And for the record, she’s the most selfless girl I know—so don’t you dare call her selfish.” If Titus thought he could intimidate Callum, well, tough trash. “We’ll talk when you’re not so emotional,” Callum sighed, as if I were a spoiled child who he wanted to help get over a tantrum. “No,” I said quietly. “This is done. Goodbye.”