Unshattering Novel – My husband took the bullet meant for me, and just like that 22 years of happiness vanished. “Matthew!”, I shrieked as I ran to him. Nothing felt real like I was in a dream. I could hear sirens in the background. People were yelling something, but I couldn’t understand them. I peeled off my jacket and held it to the wound as Matthew lay unconscious on the floor. Blood gushed from his body like an open hydrant, and my uncontrolled wails filled the air. He was gone. I knew he was gone. Medics came through the door, but it was too late. I was cradling Matthew’s lifeless body and sobbed.
The icy mist from the river stung my face. I dared myself to get this over with, ‘Just do it, Kaylee, come on” I taunted, as my spine weakened. I needed something to strengthen my fortitude, something to make me put my foot back up on the rail. As the current twisted and surged below, I closed my eyes and let myself fall into the worst day of my life. Rain beat against the glass panes that lined the store front. The illumination of the welcome sign was the only thing keeping the darkness of the stormy night outside. Matthew was behind the pharmacy counter doing final counts and getting ready to submit his daily report. I stood at the front of the empty store manning a register. Damian was a few yards away in his little office, and his door was barely cracked open.
We were the only ones in the deserted pharmacy, not one customer in 2 hours which was normal for a random Thursday night. I was busy scrolling videos on my phone when the automatic door chime rang out. I looked up at the clock on the wall; 10:27 pm. Three more minutes and the doors would have been locked. Just 180 seconds is all it would have taken to stop those dominos from falling. I didn’t even notice the man in a ski mask until he was right on top of me. He grabbed me by the hair and slammed my face into the register. A wail escaped my throat as I choked on the salty metallic flavor that flooded my mouth.
A warm trickle ran from my forehead into my eyes. The grip on my hair tightened and pulled up sharply. Cool metal dug into my temple as he yanked me into the open aisle. He dragged me toward the pharmacy counter at the back. My head was spinning. I grabbed at the shelves trying to regain my footing, knocking down pill bottles and random items. The man waved me around like a rag doll in front of Matthew as he threw a black duffel on the count and demanded it be loaded with narcotics. “Let her go! Let her go and I will do whatever you want! Just let her go now!”, Matthew yelled at the perpetrator while staring me in the eyes. The sheer horror lining his features was more than I could take. I shut my eyes tight as tears streamed down my face.
The gunman yanked the clump of hair he was holding, digging the gun deep into my temple. “You want to see her brains all over the wall? Well, do you?!”, He screamed, shaking me violently by the hair, “Load the bag!” I opened my eyes. Hands shaking, Matthew grabbed the large white pharmacy bottles from the back room and piled them quickly into the bag. I stared past him at the Right Rex advertisements hanging on the wall. I couldn’t bear to look him in the face. If he caught a glimpse of the panic behind my eyes, he might try something stupid. I just wanted him to obey and maybe we would all make it out of this alive. Movement reflected in the black plastic of the register. It was Damian creeping up the side aisle, baseball bat in hand. Before I could stop myself, I let out an audible gasp. Matthew saw the look come across my face, and he knew that I knew.
He looked me straight in the eyes and slowly moved his head back and forth, urging me not to give Damian’s position away. It was too late though, items littered the floor where I had knocked them off the shelves. Damian’s foot connected with a pill bottle, alerting the crook to his position. As the assailant turned toward the noise, Matthew started throwing bottles at the thief and screaming obscenities. The next second took an entire decade to pass. The robber pointed the gun at Matthew. Damian screamed “NOOOO!” and lunged forward with the bat. The gun went off. Damian’s bat struck the criminal, and he fell to the floor with a thud. I screamed and looked at Damian. His teeth were barred as he stood over the masked assailant. In slow motion, my head turns to Matthew. He stood silent. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was over and we were all okay.
I smiled at Matthew, but his face turned ashy white. I could hear bubbling, like water out of a fountain. I looked around, trying to ascertain where the noise was coming from. Matthew grasped his chest as a large red patch grew on the white pharmacy coat. His eyes went wide with panic as another gurgle came from his throat. He tried desperately to take in air as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he collapsed to the floor. “Matthew!”, I shrieked as I ran to him. Nothing felt real like I was in a dream. I could hear sirens in the background. Damian was yelling something, but I couldn’t understand him. I peeled off my jacket and held it to the wound as Matthew lay unconscious on the floor. Blood gushed from his body like an open hydrant, and my uncontrolled wails filled the air. He was gone. I knew he was gone. Medics came through the door, but it was too late. I was cradling Matthew’s lifeless body and sobbed. His face was pallid; the color was completely gone from him.
Like a voice from far away, someone kept talking to me. They were telling me to step back. I could hear the words, but they didn’t make any sense. The world was spinning and I felt faint. From behind, Damian grabbed hold of my arms. He took hold of me and pulled my back to his chest. Tears rolled down his face landing on my shoulder. The scene looked like the aftermath of a horror film. Blood coagulated on every surface. I looked down to see Matthew’s vital fluids smeared all over my clothes and drying on my hands. A paramedic called it and everything seemed to stop. Medical praphenalia littered the floor. He was gone. I knew he was gone before they arrived. Damian knew it too. I don’t remember when or how we left. The next several hours are a blur. I remember sitting in the ambulance while an EMT cleaned up my abrasions. I vaguely recall an ER doctor sending me for a head CT. At some point police put in the back of a squad car.
Everything was bizarre, like the world was made of carnival mirrors. Soon I was at the police station giving a statement. I asked for Damian, but they wouldn’t let us see each other. They held me in a small interrogation room answering question after question like I was a common criminal. My head was swimming. I think I passed out because I woke up on a couch in a Police Station office. I threw up in the trash can and lay down on the floor. I was in shock and everything felt like a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. I don’t even recall how I got home. Eventually I was home though, fatigued and bordering on pure insanity. I collapsed onto my bed, my body and mind completely empty from exhaustion. …. I woke up the next morning curled up in strong arms. “Matthew!”, I gasped, “I had the worst nightmare!”, I said, panting in relief. “I dreamed we were working and we were robbed. You got shot. It was so real!” As my relieved eyes fluttered open my words trailed off.
Something wasn’t right. Matthew’s arm was heavy and hairy. I turned to face him. His eyes opened, but they weren’t gray-blue oceans. Damian pulled back from me and jumped up out of the bed. He looked dreadful. His eyes were sunken and dark. His cheeks had no color. “I’m sorry, I was on the couch and you kept screaming in your sleep.”, he stammered, “I came in to comfort you and I must have fallen asleep in here.” He quickly moved across the room. “I will make our coffee if you want to get cleaned up.”, He said, “I called the kids. They are all flying in today. They will be here by this afternoon.” I felt sore and sick. My head was pounding. I looked down to find my hands were covered in dirt and dried blood. Dark red stains crusted my shirt. I slowly made my way out of bed. I closed the bathroom door and stripped off my clothes, depositing them by the trash can. I hadn’t even removed my blood-smeared sneakers. I looked in the mirror. My eye was black and my lip was split.
I was awake, but the nightmare was still playing. The left side of my head near my temple was bruised and swollen, and a large clump of hair was missing. I removed the forehead bandage and looked at the row of stitches. Everything was surreal, like an out-of-body experience. I turned the knob in the shower and let the hot water run over me. Tinges of pink flooded down the drain. I ran my fingers through my hair and became suddenly aware of the pain and swelling under my scalp. The water stung the deep gash on my forehead. I moved my fingers over the spot, feeling the large welt. I replayed my face smashing into the register over and over until the water ran clear. I swallowed the lump in my throat and shut my eyes tight, trying to erase the images. My soul was vacant. Matthew was gone. He no longer existed. No, he can’t be gone- I refuse to believe it.I touched the delicate inlay on the shower wall and closed my eyes. My mind flashed back 15 years, but the memory was as fresh as yesterday.
I had just finished reading the kids to sleep. Exhausted from double shifts at work and night school at the community college, Matthew was sound asleep in our bed. I walked into this very bathroom and turned on the shower. I marveled at the intricate mosaic design Matthew had painstakingly worked on for months. The water raced down my back just as it did now. As I washed the day away, a hand curled around my belly from behind and wet lips sucked softly on my neck and kisssed down my slick skin. I leaned back into Matthew’s strong embrace. So often I would be going about my day and I would look up to see him watching me as intently as the day we met.
He never gave that warm gaze to anyone else. My heart broke thinking about the fact that I would never feel him watching me again. I stood in the shower until it was cold. As I dressed in my bedroom I could hear voices talking in the other room. I listened closely, It was Alex. I slipped my shirt over my head and flung the bedroom door open. I ran over and threw myself at him. “Alex I’m so sorry.”, I sobbed. Tears were in his eyes as he hugged me close. “Kaylee, I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry!”, Alex mumbled, “I can’t believe he’s…”, big sobs came from both of us and he wasn’t able to finish his sentence. We held each other sobbing for a long time.