Until My Last Breath Novel – He walked away eight years ago, with zero contact… nothing. Now he was at my house demanding answers to questions I never knew existed. “Why you did it? Why did you accept it, Cassie? You were it for me and then you went and betrayed me in the worst possible way.” “What is it you think I did for you to have that hatred on your face for me? How did I ever betray your trust in what we had?” “You promised to stop seeing me for money? My dad made you an offer to test your loyalty to me and you didn’t even hesitate in taking it, why? You broke my heart.” “All this time you thought your father paid me off, look around you Nathaniel does it look like I got paid off, does it look like I am swimming in wealth.”
“Claudia, I know I am late, I am so sorry, I will make it up…” I watch as Claudia gives her a warm smile. “Cassie, that’s alright, I understand.” “The appointment overran, I am so sorry. They asked me to bring this coffee to the office,” Cassie stammers. Claudia waves her off. “That’s alright just let Judith finish her shift and I will talk to you later.” Cassie places the coffee on the desk in front of me and briefly takes me in. I know, she knows who I am, but right now she is acting like I don’t exist and that’s perfectly fine with me because after eight years I have come face to face with the girl who stole and broke my heart. I can’t bring myself to look at her, but Claudia forces my hand, crushing my plans of avoidance down around me. “Miss Simpson, I believe you should remember Mr Crawford.”
I stand up and put my hand out to hers, as she puts her hand in mine her cheeks flush pink and the warmth of her hands spread over my body, holding Cassies’ hand turns me seventeen again. I take her in and everything is the same except her eyes aren’t bright and vibrant, instead; they are dull and lost. I knew she went to school and studied law, so I am shocked to find her back in her hometown. She couldn’t wait to get out of here, travel the world and spread her wings. Cassie was destined for more than the little town of Lakeshore. I spent two years secretly crushing on this girl hard while I was up here with my Mother and Sister. She never noticed me, not once, who I was keeping her away. It wasn’t until that last time I was here that Cassie started working for us and I fell in love with her. The biggest mistake of my life. “Welcome back to Lakeshore.”
I try to get a read on her, but I come up empty. “It’s been a long time.” She abruptly removes her hand, realising we are holding on for longer than we should. Cassie pulls away, making her way to the door. “I will just head out to reception and relieve Judith, thank you for understanding Claudia.” The door closes. NATE Seeing Cassie stirred old feelings that I shut down a long time ago, this was going to be a bad week if she was going to be around, Right there and then I made myself a promise that this will be strictly hotel only business. I am here to get a grip on managing things and then get me back to the city, to my life, and leave behind all old feelings. Lock them in the vault and never let Cassie Simpson have what was remaining of my heart. The plan was simple, to keep out of her way for the duration of my stay. I make my way to reception to get a room.
I was looking down at my phone when that voice spoke to me again. “Good Afternoon Mr Crawford checking in?” “Yes.” Cassie types something into the computer. “Of course, the Lakeshore Penthouse is available. Here is your key and if you need anything just call reception and we will be sure to take care of everything.” Cassie sets the key on the desk and I pick it up and make my way to the elevator without looking back. Maybe this would be easier than I first imagined. It looks like we are both willing to play this game. It’s time to go for a dinner. I walk down to the patio dining area, Donnie the chef always did know how to make an amazing lasagne he has worked for the company for at least 20 years I remember him well as a kid.
Always let me and Natalia sneak in the kitchen for a cheeky peanut butter and jam sandwich. Donnie’s voice booms across the room. “It’s good to see you, Mr Crawford.” I walk across, shaking his hand. “Donnie, it’s just Nate.” “How have you been? It’s been a long time since you ventured up here, you look so grown up now, Nate.” “I have been really good, can’t complain, working away for the old man could be worse,” I smile. Just then I see her walk through the dining area, she is still in her work uniform but her hair is down and wavy she hasn’t seen me yet as I am hidden from her sight by one of the wooden pillars; I hate to admit it, but even after all this time; she takes my breath away. “Hi, Donnie.” He looks at me and I shake my head. “Hi, Sweetie how are you holding up?” “It sure is something, Donnie,” Cassie sighs. “That good, huh?” he smiles at her.
Cassie walks over to the bar. “Had better days but I know what will make it better, please tell me there is some left or you will break my heart.” It was out of my mouth without even thinking. “It would make a change for you to have yours broken, oh wait you don’t have a heart last time I checked.” Donnie looks between us both and steps back. “If you two will excuse me, I am just going to go get this for you.” Cassie watches him make his way into the kitchen. “Thank you, Donnie.” I look back over to find Cassie has straightened up and her hand is on her hip. “If you have something to say to me Nathaniel get the balls to say it to my face.” I look at her with such intensity I feel my body is ready to combust. “Oh, I have plenty to say.” Cassie matches my mood level.
“Then I suggest whatever you have to say to me after all these years you get it over and done with or stop wasting my time with nonsense.” “Actions speak louder than words Cassie, you of all people should know that!” Cassie storms over to me and leans down so that we are eye to eye. “You’re absolutely correct, your actions told me all I needed to know when I woke up one day and watched you leave me behind without a second thought.” I retaliate back. “I was just a payday for you.” Cassie looks like I have slapped her for six. “If you think for one second, I was with you for your bank balance, I don’t even know you and clearly, you don’t know me.” Cassie looks at me and amidst the anger, she is hurt and tears form, Donnie interrupts, pulling us from the anger haze.
“Here you go, sweetie.” Cassie chokes back the words. “Thanks, Donnie, Tell Izzy I was asking for her and to thank her very much for the casserole she sent over Sunday my mum appreciated it.” Without another word or look in my direction, Cassie walks out, leaving me with my thoughts. Donnie just stares blankly at me. “Do you want to explain to me what that was, Nate?” I scoff at him. “I was just telling Cassie a few home truths.” Donnie looks at me and for a split second, I see disappointment. “It seemed more than that Nate, just tread carefully with Cassie.” It pissed me off he was siding with her. “I don’t owe her anything.” “What do you think she did to you? Whatever it is, you have a lot of venom towards the girl who you one day were adamant you were going to marry.” I feel my emotions get the better of me. “I was young, stupid Donnie, no one finds there soul mate at seventeen, people can be bought, it took little for Cassie to sell us out.” Donnie walks over to me and I can tell I have hit a nerve.
“Nathaniel David Crawford, I have known you since you were running around here in nappies, you have always been like a son to me so I am going to tell you a home truth, you have all this wrong you left and never came back that girl broke her heart and life has never given her a break since. It’s not my story to tell, but I would encourage you to hear her side of things. Here, take this.” Donnie writes something down on a napkin. “What is it?” Donnie hands me the paper. “Cassie’s address she still lives at home with her parents.” I look at Donnie with confusion etched across my face. “What happened to her old house?” Donnie shakes his head. “That’s not my story to tell son, but a lot has happened and as for your statement of not meeting your soulmate at seventeen, I met mine when I was fifteen and we have been together ever since, happily married.
Everyone wrote us off saying we were too young, but I knew from the very first time I set eyes on her she was the girl I was going to grow old with and just look we are still proving them all wrong. When you know you know and when I saw you and Cassie together, it was just like what Izzy and I were like. It was honest and pure.” “Cassie played me for a fool. She is not as innocent as you think.” He shakes his head, sighing. “Nate, if you don’t talk to Cassie, you are going to live with a lot of regrets. So my advice is to talk to Cassie sooner rather than later.” NATE I stare and look at the napkin Donnie gave me as I make my way back to my room for the night. My phone pings and I see a text from Chelsea. CHELSEA – Hi Baby, fancy meeting up? xoxo. NATHANIEL – Sorry not in the city at the minute CHELSEA – Shame, let me know when you are free? I am really missing you and need my Nathaniel fix xoxo. NATHANIEL – Will do, it shouldn’t be any more than a few days, just need to get this problem sorted and will be back in no time. How about I take you to that little French restaurant you like?
CHELSEA – You always know how to spoil me, I look forward to it, it’s a date. Talk soon, baby xoxo. Chelsea and I have been hooking up for years. In my dad’s eyes, it’s the perfect match for two elite families coming together if we get married. The major issue is that neither my mother and sister can stand her, but my father is bent on bringing our families together. Tolerating Chelsea because we have been in the same social circle for a long time, but being married to her will never happen no matter what my father expects or wants. I try to sleep, but I toss and turn with only memories and images of Cassie haunting my thoughts. I look at the clock and it’s just after midnight. Getting dressed, I walk down to my car and drive until I am parked outside Cassies’ new house. What happened to her old house that is easily half the size. One thing was for certain: Cassie hadn’t changed at all. Ever the night owl, I find her just as I found her all those years ago. On a porch swing wrapped in a blanket and curled up, lost in a book. I open my car door and get out, making my way up her path. She looks up at me and closes her book.
“You lost?” I slowly make my way up the path. “Can we talk?” Cassie stands watching my every move. “You had every opportunity to talk to me and a long time to find the words. Why now?” “I need to know?” The words just come out. Cassie purses her lips. “Know what?” After eight years and imagining if we ever met how it would go, this was not how I expected the words to just tumble from my mouth. “Why you did it? Why did you accept it, Cassie? You were it for me and then you went and betrayed me in the worst possible way.” Cassie holds her book, rubbing the worn cover for comfort. “See, this is what I could never work out. What is it you think I did for you to have that hatred on your face for me? How did I ever betray your trust in what we had?” I step closer, taking in her beautiful features. “You promised to stop seeing me for money? My dad made you an offer to test your loyalty to me and you didn’t even hesitate in taking it, I want to hear it from you, I want to hear in your own words why? I want to look you in the eye when you tell me exactly what happened? You broke my heart.”
Cassie scowls at me before stomping across to me. She points her index finger at me forcefully, poking me hard in the chest. “All this time you thought your father paid me off, look around you Nathaniel does it look like I got paid off, does it look like I am swimming in wealth, you want to know something, get in your overpriced car and leave. I can’t even believe I thought I loved you. I should thank you really, you did me a favour. I am somewhat impressed your reputation is living up to the hype you are a rich, spoilt son of a bimbo if I ever saw one.” I look at her, and she isn’t lying. I always could read Cassie and now that her guard is down, I see it clear as day. “I have nothing more to say to you, you disgust me, get off my property the only time you need to see me is at work, we are done here.” I am about to try and reason with her when I see her mum open the door. “Cassie honey is everything alright?” Cassie turns to her. “Sorry, mum, I will be right in, I know it’s late.” Sadie walks out the door, looking at me with wonder. “Nathaniel Crawford, is that you?” Cassie cuts in. “He was just leaving.” I take a step closer, allowing the house light to illuminate my face. “Hello Mrs Simpson, hope you are well?” Sadie smiles at me.
“It’s been a very long time but none of that Mrs Simpson, you know fine well it’s Sadie. It’s nice to see you again Nathaniel you should call again, maybe not so late but if I recall you and Cassie were always keeping me up late at night with worry.” Cassie scolds her. “Mum please, we don’t need a trip down memory lane. That’s not why Nathaniel stopped by.” Sadie looks at me with sadness in her eyes. “Alright, just remember to lock up after. Night Nathaniel.” I give her a wave. “Night Sadie, give Alan my regards” Sadie gives me a sad smile and makes her way back into the house. Cassie waits for the door to close before she swoops back around on me. “We are done here, don’t call back here ever again. GOT IT!” I try to defuse the situation. “Cassie, we need to talk.” Cassie looks at me like I am a stranger. “The time for talking has long passed. All this time I thought I wasn’t good enough, seeing you in all those magazines with your leggy models and rich socialites, now I know why you left me, I can finally have peace, you weren’t good enough for me, my conscience is crystal clear.
So, good chat Nathaniel it’s been enlightening.” Cassie turns on her heel just before she gets to the door. She turns around and looks at me. “Just in case it wasn’t clear enough, I never took a penny from your father. I wasn’t offered anything and even if I was, I would never have accepted it. You were the love of my life or so I thought, turns out I didn’t know you at all.” Cassie opens the door to her home and never looks back at me. I am torn. Part of me wants to follow her and talk it over with her, and part of me knows that Cassie is so angry that this won’t end well. I get back in my car and make my way back to the hotel. The time for answers will be tomorrow this isn’t over by a long shot because if what she said was true I was fed lies that led to my heartbreak and anger all these years that was completely unwarranted and I would get to the bottom of my father’s never-ending webs of deceit. I just never thought I had a web of my own.
That thought made me feel uneasy because of just how much I have been lied to throughout the years. I knew my dad was ruthless, but I never thought he would be ruthless with his own family, my gut told me if I scratched the surface I would end up unearthing dark secrets that would blow everything I ever thought out of the water about my family. All families have skeletons in their closet, I just suspected that mine could fill a crypt. NATE I wake up having had the worst night sleep I have had in years, hearing what Cassie said troubled me in more ways than imaginable. I make my way through the hotel and I see her; she is more beautiful now than she was at seventeen. My heart still races and the world around me slows down. She looks up and sees me but a guest begins to talk with her; I watch her interaction she’s warm, friendly, and the guest appears pleased with things. Cassie always was a people person. The people of Lakeshore are all like that, they always are there for each other.
I always wondered why my dad picked this place for a hotel location. It turns out he didn’t because my mother fell in love with this place and the community spirit. The hotel was a wedding present for my mother. It made complete sense why it was always her that brought us up here. Until that one summer, he made a surprise visit, the same summer he told me that Cassie was just a summer fling, and she was just using me as a meal ticket out of the dead-end town. I remember him showing me the video footage of him handing her a cheque, or so he told me. That image ingrained in my mind, the anger built, trust and love shattered to pieces. Maybe I was wrong, really. I decide I owe Cassie an apology and we need to clear the air. I quickly get dressed and make my way back to her house. I pull up and find Sadie sitting on the porch swing. “Nathaniel, is that you again?” I walk up to the porch. “Hi Mrs Simpson, sorry Sadie, how are you?” she smiles at me.
“Today’s been a good day, how are you?” I decide to be fully honest. “Not so great, I am here to see Cassie?” Sadie shakes her head. “She hasn’t arrived home yet, she normally walks the shoreline to clear her head. You can wait if you like?” I decide to wait and join Sadie on the swing. “Can an old lady give you some words of wisdom?” I nod, “Always.” Sadie takes my hand. “Sometimes you don’t realise the weight of something you’ve been carrying until you feel the weight of its release.” Just as I am about to ask her for more meaning, a voice comes from the doorway. “Sadie, that is Alan all sorted, I will be back tomorrow.” Sadie gives her a big smile. “Thank you, Adele, did you pick up the cake I made?” Adele holds up the container. “I did, me and the girls will enjoy that tonight, Thank you, Sadie.” “Hi, Adele.” Adele turns to find Cassie coming towards the house. “Hi, Cassie sweetheart, how are you?” Cassie hugs her. “I’m good, is dad ok?” She nods. “Today was a good day.” Cassie finally sees me and her face instantly drops from the friendly warmth, Adele senses the tension and makes her way to her car. “I told you, you weren’t allowed here.” “I just want to talk and apologise, please,” she puts her hand up.
“You can shove your apology, Nathaniel, you thought I accepted a bribe from your dad, you thought what I felt for you wasn’t real, what I shared with you was some game. You were my first that was everything to me. You left me with no explanation. I was heartbroken. You don’t get to waltz back into my life eight years later thinking talk and a half-assed apology is enough.” I changed the subject abruptly. “Why is there a nurse looking after your dad? What happened, Cassie? Why didn’t you finish school? Why are you back here in Lakeshore? You swore you wanted to get out, we were going to explore the world and when we were ready, then we would settle back down here. That was the dream.” Cassie steps back, tears falling down her face. “I can’t…” Cassie looks devastated. Her last words are nothing but a whisper, “do this.” I walk closer to her. “Tell me Cassie!” CASSIE I can’t keep it in any more, I have held onto this bottled it up. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, and I was drowning in my emotions. “My dad is dying!” Nate looks completely stunned, I can see his body shaking as he takes in my news.
“Alright, happy? Now you know. So do me a favour, finish what you need to here, get in your car and don’t look back just like you did eight years ago.” Nate keeps walking closer to me and I feel myself fall apart. “Cassie, I am so sorry.” “Sorry fixes nothing, Nathaniel,” I struggle to get my words out. “If you would have told me… Cassie.” I glare at him through my tears. “What you would have come back, told me everything would be alright, held me while I cried myself to sleep, you walked away giving me no explanation. I didn’t need you when I first found out, and I certainly don’t need you now. We are dealing with it.” I sob uncontrollably, Nate reaches out pulling me closer and I instinctively bury my head in his chest. I feel strokes to my hair and an overwhelming amount of emotions flood my senses. Part of me wants to pull away, but being held by Nate was the only place I wanted to be.