What Happens When You’re Broken Novel – We need to leave her. She does not have a wolf. My brother said coldly. My family abandoned me and moved to a new pack because I can’t shift and they saw me as a humiliation. After they left, I’m degraded to an omega and used like servant by others. Almost all rights taken away. Although my families do not care about me at all, I want to see them, especially my Mom. But when I’m secretly visiting them, strangly, their Alpha somehow know I’m there. I had to hide myself. “Who is here with you?” the Alpha demanded to my brother. “Nobody.” “Do not lie to me!” The Alpha almost roars, fury evidently taking over. “I can smell a woman!” What? He can smell me, why?
Addison The light of the full moon is all that lights up the forest floor in front of me as I walk away from the disappointed glances of my parents and my older brother yet again. Another night like every other since I first turned of age. I don’t know why they kept hoping. Why they kept asking me to come out here. I was broken. There could be no other explanation for it. I had been born to werewolf parents but I was born without a wolf. I had to be, because I had come of age and there had be no change. I was still the same girl I had been before. I didn’t gain all the wonderful things you are meant to when you gain your wolf. And, she had never emerged. Never allowed my first shift like every other young werewolf experienced when they came of age. No. My coming of age came and went without event. All it brought was disappointment and confusion.
A disappointment and confusion that had continued every night since as my family made me return to the light of the moon in the hopes my wolf would choose to appear. Their disappointed expressions hurt, I can’t lie. The first few days, it was easy to think that perhaps my wolf was just a little late. But now, six months on, and still she had not appeared. And each night they brought me out. Brought me here to encourage the emerging of my wolf. Their wolves coming forward to inspire mine to come out. But there was nothing. Broken. “I swear she hasn’t got a wolf.” My brother Tyler says with despondency. “Are you sure she is yours?” he questions my Dad as we wander back through the forest towards out home. His words hit me in the heart like a spear. But, I suppose I can’t blame him for doubting my heritage. With werewolves for parents I should have a wolf. Genetics meant that was what should have happened. But, day after day passed by and there was not the slightest sign of one.
It did bring into question if I was their child, I suppose. “Tyler!” My Mum shrieked. “Don’t say things like that. “Of course she is ours.” “Well why doesn’t she have her wolf yet?” he questions, and he sounds quite disappointed in me. I hate the thought of disappointing my family. They were meant to be the ones who were there for you. The ones that were proudest of you. And since I came of age, mine have been nothing but humiliated by me. Trying to hide the fact that my wolf had yet to emerge. If there was in fact even a wolf to emerge. They avoided taking me places now. Avoided all talk of me and my wolf when others were near. I was a huge failure for them. My Dad was one of our pack’s best warriors, he would be expected to have strong children with strong wolves. So what had happened to me, was anybody’s guess. “She will come.” My Mum whispers, reaching for my hand and squeezing it reassuringly. This was her answer every time. Each time we came out here.
Each time we waited for my wolf, and each time she never appeared. Each time they looked like I had failed them, my Mum would simply smile and say the same thing. My Mum was one of the sweetest ladies you could meet, and ever the optimist. I don’t know if she was trying to reassure me or herself. But, she had long since stopped reassuring me. I had lost all hope after the first week of no sign of my wolf. I had not heard of anyone else who had not had their wolf. I think it was safe to say I was broken. Forever stuck to be broken I feared. “You can’t keep saying that Mum.” Tyler argues, taking me by surprise. He seems so much more vocal tonight than previously. Making me wonder if something has been said to him by someone in pack. If people were beginning to become suspicious. So far I had managed to avoid all events that would call for me shifting, finding reasonable excuses.
But, that could only last for so long. “We can’t keep making excuses for her. You may want to avoid facing up to it, but something isn’t right. And no matter how hard it is going to be we need to consider that. Consider what is wrong. Consider what you are going to do to fix it. Because a pack will not accept one without a wolf. Not to mention the shame upon our family.” The look upon my brother’s face was cold. And it hurt seeing him this way. I could not help but look across to my brother as the words he has just spoken sink in. He was saying I was a shame upon my own family. For something that was out of my own control. I felt tears prickling behind my eyes. “Tyler, that is enough.” My Dad’s voice hissed in a warning tone, basically indicating to my brother the conversation was over. “It is never going to be enough. This needs addressing, and it needs addressing soon.”
Tyler says with a shake of his head. He looks to me, his big brown eyes full of emotion. “I am sorry Addi, you know I love you, you are my sister, but without a wolf you are a danger to the pack. A hindrance. We have done everything we can to hide the fact your wolf has not come so far, but the longer time goes on the harder that comes. Questions are being asked. Things are being said. We need to decide what we should do for the best. And when I say best, I mean best for us all.” I look at my brother through tear filled eyes and simply nod. I think my assumption may be correct, that someone had been asking questions of him. People becoming suspicious. It isn’t fair upon him or my parents, I know that. “If that is what you need to do, then what can I say? This isn’t what I want, Tyler. I want my wolf to come, I have hoped and prayed to our moon goddess so many times since I turned 18 that she would come, but there has been nothing. Do you not think this hurts me as much as it embarrasses you?” “Don’t try to make me feel bad Addison, this is not something I can control.”
Tyler says in frustration, running his hand through his sandy coloured hair. “But it does need dealing with.” I look to my parents, both avoiding my gaze. I can only assume they are in agreement with my brother but do not want to admit it to me. I have no clue what happens now. There was nothing I could do to help my situation, nothing I did could make my wolf appear. Nothing we hadn’t already tried. I simply look up at my older brother and nod. “Fine, do what needs to be done, I will go along with what needs to be done.” I just hope I don’t live to regret my words… Chapter 2 – Addison I see the sideways glances as I walk down the paths of pack. The mutters under the breaths of the other pack members. They are becoming harder to avoid. It is difficult to think that the people that I used to consider friends now judge me. Spread rumours about me. Most barely have time for me now.
I had been for a run to clear my head, as my brother had been yelling at me again. Telling me I was nothing but an embarrassment. He is undergoing his warrior assessment to make the senior team, and he seems to think my lack of ability to shift would effect their decision. Goddess knows why. It isn’t me they are assessing. Tyler is a strong wolf, a warrior wolf, like my Dad. He inherited that from our Dad. Of course he would be a good warrior, our pack would see that. So, why what was going on with me would effect him I had no clue. But, for whatever reason Tyler wanted to take his anger out on me. I needed to get away, and had rushed out of the house for the forest. No, I couldn’t shift like most others would. But I still enjoyed the freedom of running through the trees. The fresh air. Being alone with nobody getting at me. A tiny part of me clung to the hope that one of these days I may go out for one of these runs and my wolf would push through. I need her more than ever now.
I feel so alone. At least having a wolf I would have someone there. Even if they were in my own mind, almost like my own alter-ego. A part of me. But, they would be there for me. Instead, her lack of appearance has left me even more alone. None of this made sense to me. I had tried so many times to make sense of it. I had read books trying to work it out. The only thing that explained late wolves was curses and gifted wolves. I held signs for neither. So, I had to accept I was faulty. Damaged. “Isn’t that her?” I heard a young she-wolf giggle to her friend from the path on the other side of the road. “The one they were speaking about in class?” “Shh!” her friend giggled, and they rushed away, I put my head down, not even wanting to confront them about what was being said. Clearly questions were being asked now. It was to be expected when nobody had seen the wolf of a pack member who had come of age. Especially this long after the wolf would be expected to appear. My family kept giving excuses why I wasn’t at pack runs or training, but I imagine they only sound believable for so long.
A small group of warriors were approaching along the street, and I can see them giving me a dirty look. Nudging one another, and muttering between themselves. I look up to the sky, fighting back the threatening tears. I am not giving them the pleasure of knowing they are upsetting me. None of this is my fault. Do they think I want all of this? I turn the corner to my house, feeling tears prickling at my eyes, hating that I am going through this nonsense. I had been looking forward to coming of age. Excited like every other young werewolf would be. Excited to finally meet their wolf. Build that connection with them. Wonder what they would look like. Wonder if we would get along. Only my wolf never came. And I was having to deal with that every day, and it hurt.
I opened the door to my house, finding it eerily quiet. As I stepped inside, I could see the lounge door closed, and could hear muted voices inside. Were they all in there? I quietly closed the front door behind me, and edged closer to the lounge door and could hear inside. “I think the time has come though. She clearly has no wolf.” Tyler says coldly. I swallow the bile rising in my mouth. I had gone out and my family had chosen to sit and discuss me? The dread filling me was overpowering, as I could only imagine the things they would be saying, let alone suggesting. I step back slowly, to sit on the stairs of our family house holding back tears. Listening to my family discussing our future it sounded like… discussing me… yet they had chose to do this without me there. Without even asking me to be there. Likely without a second thought for me. I was turning out to be nothing more than a nuisance. “The pack are asking questions Molly.” I hear my Dad say to my Mum. “We can’t keep hiding her away. They know she exists for Goddess’ sakes.” “Too right. You know how many of the guys are asking what is wrong with her?” I heard Tyler defend my Dad. “But she is our girl. Family.” Mum argues, and I am glad at least one of my family seemed to have my back.
“But she is not one of us is she? Not without a wolf.” A voice I am surprised to hear pipes up. My younger sister, Alena. I didn’t think she even knew of this. She didn’t shift yet, so had never been there while we waited for my wolf to come… I had assumed she was oblivious to my mess… obviously not. Though with questions spreading around pack, expecting her to be oblivious was perhaps asking for too much. And, it hurt to say, she seemed as ashamed as the rest of them. I felt my heart clench in pain. Hurt by their lack of concern for me. Their focus seemed to be for themselves. Their reputation as a family. “Alena, don’t say that.” My Mum chided, not liking the fact I was being criticised by them all. “Why? It is true Mum. She is damaged. Broken. Something is wrong somewhere. Either her wolf is stuck somewhere or she doesn’t have one.” Alena says dismissively. I rest my head on the wooden post of the banister, listening to them debating more and more. Theory after theory as to what is wrong with me.
The main theory being I was not part of their family. Nothing like being made to feel worthless by the people that were meant to love you the most. Switched at birth… Who knew? But, now I am beginning to wonder if there was some explanation like that, because nothing else seemed to make sense. “We need to send her away.” Tyler declares, and I feel my hands begin to tremble. My own big brother ready to throw me away like yesterday’s trash. “No where to send her Ty. No where will take a damaged she-wolf.” Dad says with a deflated sigh. “Don’t tell them.” Tyler says with a laugh, like he knows exactly what he thinks should be done. Right now I don’t think I have disliked my brother more. “You know that isn’t an option. But, us leaving may be…” I heard my Dad falter, and my breath catches at his words, tears dripping down my face. They would abandon me? “Dad, I have made the warriors squad.” Tyler whines. “Some of their best, they said. I could be as good as you! You expect me to give that up because of her? Because she is useless?” “Well it is either that or we continue the way we are.”
Dad says angrily. “And I imagine you won’t be considered anywhere close to the best warrior when they know you have a defective she-wolf in your family!” “What if we went to Moon Stone? My old pack, you could train with your Uncle and cousin to be a warrior. So you wouldn’t be missing out.” My Mum suddenly sounds enthusiastic about the whole conversation. While I cant see into the room with the door closed, her whole tone of voice has changed. Something tells me she likes this idea. “That could work Molly. Speak to your brother for me.” Dad says. “And we will leave Addison here with my Mum. We don’t need her showing us up in a new pack.” My whole body chills at his words. They truly planned to run away and leave me here without a second thought of my welfare? Family was meant to be everything to werewolves. Yet my own were ready to abandon me because there could be something wrong with me? Chapter 3 – Addison I ran upstairs as quietly as I could, not wanting to draw attention to the fact I had overheard their conversation. The level of betrayal I felt from my own family was overwhelming.
These were meant to be the people I could depend on the most. Yet, here they were turning their back on me all because I showed them up. For something that was out of my control. A part of me was curious how they would break this news to me. Because they had done nothing to indicate that the conversation I had just overheard was going to happen. Clearly wishing to keep that a secret from me. But this? This decision they had decided upon could not be kept a secret. They were leaving. Abandoning me when I needed them the most. That deserved an explanation. Right? I laid upon my bed, staring at the ceiling. The pattern of the paint over the wooden beams now familiar to me after many hours laying here deep in thought over the years. I wonder sometimes if leaving would be better. Running away. Would that be a better option for me? I think hard about it, but the very thought of it turns my stomach and I know I don’t hold the courage to go out there on my own. Pathetic. That is what I am. A runaway pack member is considered a rogue. A female rogue is always at danger.
I would be even more at risk with no wolf. I would be signing my own death warrant I fear if I were to even consider becoming a runaway or a rogue with no wolf of my own to protect me. And, in all seriousness, living in the human world as appealing as it may seem, sounds difficult, as I am so accustomed to living within a pack. I fear I am stuck… My own family are ashamed of me. And I don’t have the guts to run away to get away from that seems to be surrounding me. This is not how life was supposed to be. This is not what I imagined life would be when I thought of turning of age. I dreamt of life with a wolf. A beautiful wolf that would be there to keep me company. To give me strength. Yet, instead, I find myself isolated and alone. Wondering if there is a purpose to my life anymore. What is the purpose to the life of a pack member who doesn’t have a wolf? Are you even considered a pack member any longer? I had heard of some people losing their wolf through the loss of a mate within our pack, but out of respect, and no doubt sympathy they were allowed to stay within pack.
They had earned their place here. The loss of their mate was out of their control. But, I don’t think I had ever heard of someone who had never had their wolf emerge. It was unheard of. Or it was not discussed… There were late developers, but they were usually gifted wolves. Or cursed ones. But their wolves would come at some point or another. Their issue would be overcome. But for me, I don’t see a way to overcome my issue. Because we don’t even know what is the cause for my problem. I just don’t appear to have a wolf. Hearing my own family mention being switched at birth made me wonder if it was possible. But, I was sure I was born here in the pack hospital. So, there was no human babies to be switched with. The only other answer I had come up with is one of my parents was not a werewolf. Because to have a woman birth a child with no wolf, one of the parents had to have been human. Which meant my Mum had to have been unfaithful to my Dad, because there was no denying she gave birth to me. And my Mum was definitely a she-wolf, her wolf was beautiful.
Quite flighty and fiery too. But, could I believe my Mum would do that to my Dad, the man she loved so much and was dedicated to? I honestly didn’t know. There was too much to think of. All I knew is that I hated my own family right now for the fact they would leave me. My bedroom door was kicked open, and I saw my brother standing there looking down at me. “When did you get home?” he questions, the attitude within his voice quite intimidating. “A while ago. Didn’t realise you were home.” I lie, not willing to admit I heard them all in the lounge. “Hmm. Well you can get downstairs and start cooking. That is what you are going to be good for now you know? Lower than an omega.” He looked at me with disgust. “Won’t Mum be cooking?” I question. “Are you questioning me Addison?” Tyler demanded. “You need to start realising now that without your wolf you are going to be below everyone in pack. Even the lowest of low. So start remembering that. Start doing as you are told.” I look to my brother with wide eyes. My brother had always been like a hero to me. Someone to look up to. And I always had. All through school he had been two years above me, and he exceeded expectations in everything, especially sport.
Won awards. Everyone looked up to him, And he was one of the best when it came to training, much like our Dad. Training was something our parents had been big on since we were at a young age, and even without our wolves. And, Tyler had always been so good to me. Joking around with me. Being there for me. Helping me with school work when I struggled. We were close. Friends as well as siblings. He had always been a good brother. All until I came of age and we realised things were not as they should be. Then his whole attitude changed toward me. Like his persona switched. And I can’t say I liked it. Like he blamed me for the things that were happening, when it wasn’t even my fault. At times I even begun to fear my own brother.
“None of this is my fault Tyler.” I say to him coldly, my anger beginning to bubble. “No, it may not be Adi, but I will tell you this, it will be your issue to deal with. It is you that it will drag down, and you that it will destroy. Because it is not fair for you to expect others to be dragged down and destroyed with you.” Tyler’s words are blunt and to the point. The way he looks at me when he says them tells me that he has had enough of it all. I had intended to stand up to him, but his words feel like they have speared me through the heart, and I can feel tears prickling at my eyes. “Fine.” I whisper, before pushing him backward out of my bedroom and closing my door behind him. Sliding down the door as I do, the tears I had been fighting now falling freely with nothing restraining them. The pain from everything racking through my body.